Tuesday, 20 December 2011

I ran a race

In a santa suit!
10K in 49:22

Saturday, 10 December 2011

R.I.P Occuplaza, long live OCCUPY!

Every now and then I would hear about Occupy, but never really enough to fully understand it. My favourite way to learn about people is from the people themselves, so I had the desire to go down and talk with the people who were camping out. But, I kept putting it off. Then I read that the court had ordered them out by Friday at 2pm. I did not get down to the Occupy Camp until Thursday night. I took my tent and headed down. I thought that would be the best way to understand what was going on. I wasn’t sure what they stood for, but I believed that they had a right to say it, and that was enough to get me to go a support them.
I had no idea what would happen once I got there. I turned out that they had a plan in mind; plan of creative resistance, a plan to leave the plaza, but not without pointing out the injustice of their silencing. I met people I will never forget; people who have chosen community over comfort.
It was an honour to be a part of their last night at the Plaza, but counter to the media portrayal, this was not their last stand. Occupy lives on. There was such a community created at the camp that ridding the plaza of tents far from disbands the group. “The occupation was in-tents”, but it will continue even when the tents are gone. I believe that is party why the Occupiers could leave peacefully, and even before their eviction. They knew that it was far from the end, as one of the signs read: “ideas can’t be evicted”.
I had conversations with occupiers that I will never forget. One guy felt like history was just repeated itself, but it would not give us any better results this time around. He spoke about how things were rather similar in the Roman Empire. The Roman Empire got me thinking about Jesus. Would he be part of an Occupy Revolution?
Jesus brought his own kingdom, so he didn’t need to transform the one that existed. Rather he invited people to join his movement. But it was a movement that contains many of the values of the Occupy movement; the values of community, sharing, equality, and justice over the “Justice System”.
There were a couple of Jesus stories that came to mind over the night:
I was reminded of the creative resistance of which Jesus spoke in Matthew 5: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” (to understand how this is creative resistance, it helps to understand the culture a bit better. This could help http://dustinfjames.wordpress.com/category/nonviolent-resistance/ I didn't fully read what was said on this site, but I think he's got the idea)
A conversation with a business man who couldn’t grasp the concept of Occupy made me think of the parable from Luke 12: “A man in a crowd said to Jesus, "Teacher, tell my brother to give me my share of what our father left us when he died."
Jesus answered, "Who gave me the right to settle arguments between you and your brother?"
Then he said to the crowd, "Don't be greedy! Owning a lot of things won't make your life safe."
So Jesus told them this story:
A rich man's farm produced a big crop, and he said to himself, "What can I do? I don't have a place large enough to store everything."
Later, he said, "Now I know what I'll do. I'll tear down my barns and build bigger ones, where I can store all my grain and other goods. Then I'll say to myself, `You have stored up enough good things to last for years to come. Live it up! Eat, drink, and enjoy yourself.' "
But God said to him, "You fool! Tonight you will die. Then who will get what you have stored up?"
"This is what happens to people who store up everything for themselves, but are poor in the sight of God."
And I thought about the teachings of John the Baptist “And he would answer and say to them, "The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do likewise."” And the other John “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?”
I am happy with what Occupy did. Their signs and the art left on the plaza speak their message loudly (though I would say it is being distorted by the media), and they are far from disappearing.

Sunday, 30 October 2011


today I made up a proverb. maybe it has been stated before:

A man is as rich as his friends are generous.

what do you think?

Monday, 26 September 2011

Over the weekend I went to Jasper with my parents, both of my sister's and their husbands. It was a last minute family trip. We went on 3 hikes, all of which I had done as a kid with my dad. I am thankful for those father daughter camping trips I went on with my dad where we would hike, camp, and when I got older, backpack. Those are some of the times when I really bonded with my dad. We hike up the mountain Cavity, which was far more of a scramble than a walk in the park. I thought my dad was a little crazy for taking me up there when I was 6, but I still have a scar on my knee from that first trip. The hike up Cavity yesterday was dangerous. It was windy, and rainy, so the rocks were slippery. Looking from above, I watched my dad try to navigate an alternate route which only left him stranded on a rock wall. I hoped he would not fall.
My dad and I did a lot of scrambling, For a couple years we hiked into a campground called waterfall where two waterfalls met. One year we scrambled up beside the one waterfall, and the next year up climbed up the other waterfall. I think it was the first year when my dad and I had climbed different routes up a cliff. From the top I got out the camera and took a picture of him. "Good thing you took that picture" he had told me later "The rock I was holding was loose. That might have been the last picture you ever got of me." I shuddered, not liking my dad to talk like that.
The next year we climbed up the other waterfall. we came across some large rock piles let by glaciers. (I think they have a fancy name, but I don't know what it is now). We walked a couple of Kms to the far side of one, and on that end it was gently sloped. we walked up it with no problem and started heading back along the top. The problem came when we had to get off of the pile. The sides around us were a steep collection of large and small rocks. Everything was loose. My brave dad started down on his feet, but it wasn't long before he lost his balance and tumbled down the mountain. I thought he might die, but he was okay. I sat atop of the rock for a long time, terrified of going down. I thought about the song that said "your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet", and wished that this mountain was at all firm. Eventually I made my way down.
We took a lot of pictures this weekend. And I thought about the time my dad had said that it was good I had taken the picture because it might have been the last. We found out a week before our trip to Jasper that my dad's cancer has come back, and with a vengeance. He seems healthy, but the tumors are beyond operable, and treatment can only delay the inevitable. He's made a bucket list, and on there was a trip to Jasper. Jasper is an important place for him. Take a Picture of dad on the mountain, this might be the last mountain he climbs. Take a picture of all of us together, who knows if we will all be together again. Take a picture of dad skipping rocks. Who knows if he will be out at a lake again. Take a picture of dad and his daughters because soon they won't have a father. Take a picture, it might be the last chance.

So, now I am feeling pretty hopeless and kinda depressed. I don't feel like doing anything, but I think the more I do, the better it is for me. I am feeling rather busy with school and work amongst many other things, and I can't do everything. Hopefully someday I will learn how to balance it all, but first I feel like I might crash.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

UGM - youth drop in

Solemnly they walked through the line. Some smiled, other wouldn’t make eye contact, but most said thanks. I offered them mixed peas and corn, but most rejected them, so there were many left when I went and found someone I knew with whom I could sit. The lighting was dim, and the atmosphere was mellow. Earlier they had told us that there were black lights in the bathroom so people could not find their veins and inject drugs, I could not get the image out of my mind. I found myself in a conversation with a youth I didn’t know, and as was best, she did most of the talking. She was homeless. She had been kicked out of one shelter, not allowed in another, and the rest were forbidden to her for she was only fifteen; only fifteen yet homeless. Something from deep within me burned against this injustice. I felt utterly useless, and angry that there was nothing I could do to help this girl, this child. I wanted to storm up to the gates of those agencies and beg that they let her in. She had been kicked out of the one place because her skirt was too short. Her skirt was too short; had they even thought to offer her anything else to wear. I knew I was only hearing her side of the story, but that didn’t matter. There was no reason which I could comprehend that justified having a fifteen year old sleep on the streets. On the filthy perilous streets of East Hastings. I wished I could have offered her a home, a family, and some love, but I was there only to leave again. She couldn’t escape her situation but in a few days I would get in the 15 passenger van and drive home. I offered her all I could; I listened, and in doing so I received more than I could have given. I received a passion, a passion that ten years later continues to fuel what I do. Black lights in the bathroom. Unwanted peas and corn. Dim lights where they ate their food. Rejected teen. I was only 13.

Friday, 2 September 2011

Do you know Joe?

The other day I was talking with my friend. She knows Joe, and so do I. I know about Joe’s love for animals, the hardships he faced as a child, and in losing his wife, and his distrust of people, because he has been let down. Joe lives in the inner-city, eats at the Mustard Seed Soup Kitchen and lives without a job.
When I was at the Farmers’ Market this week, the musician asked me if I knew Joe. Of course I do, and I was about to tell him so until I realised he might not be talking about the same Joe. The Joe he knows has his own story, his own definition of success and hopefully someone to trust.

Friday, 12 August 2011

to whom will you listen?

The Voice of Justice from The Justice Conference on Vimeo.

If we are the body of Christ, then I am not sure how to trust him.

What do you think?

Thursday, 4 August 2011

I had a great day today

I had a great day today, and I thought you all should know about it. It started off with a great run with my roommate (oh boy, training for a triathlon). At that point I decided that I needed to take some me time to prepare for the day. I spent some time reading the Bible and in prayer. Then I headed off to my old Bible College. I debated whether it would really be a worthwhile trip. I didn’t have too much time to spend there, but it is a place I like to go where I can spend time with God without thinking that I should really be washing the dishes, or doing laundry, or sweeping, or checking my email one more time. So I headed up to the college. My theology prof was there, and I thought it would be good to have a chat with him. I stopped in his office and we had a great conversation about the Eucharist and about being the body of Christ. He confirmed a lot of thought I have recently had, and sent me on my way with a book. It was a really good and encouraging talk. Then I made my way to the LDS institute. In the last institute class I attended I really felt like I wanted to talk with the teacher, so I emailed him and we set up a time (which happened to be this morning). I wasn’t sure how our conversation would go, but in the email I had mentioned that I wanted to hear his story. I got to the institute building, and the doors were locked, which meant I had to ring the door bell, and that really scared me. A very large part of me wanted to turn and walk away, but I didn’t. I rang it, and I waited. I could see the Brother walk from the far end of the hall towards me. I think a million things went through my mind. I didn’t know what I was going to say to him. I had nothing planned. I sat down in his office as he finished off an email. I made some observations –Rugby picture –lobster trap –family photos; and said some silent prayers. “So, what do you want to know” he said breaking the silence. “Everything” I replied. And I felt like that statement was pretty true, I do want to know everything. He started from his birth and told me about his childhood, his grandparents, his experiences as a Catholic, as a born again Christian and then about how he became an LDS. He told me about how he came out west, and how he got a job with the LDS Church teaching seminary and then institute. He told me about his wife and his 6 children. And then his story concluded. He looked at me and asked about my story. “Did you grow up in the Church?” I was a little shocked by his question, but answered “I grew up going to Church, but not the LDS Church.” He was intrigued, but then I realised that more was needed to be said. I added “I am not a member.” He was shocked. He had no idea. I don’t try to trick people into thinking that I am LDS; I don’t know any Mormons with dreadlocks, but I guess it is mainly the LDS who attend institute, so it was understandable for him to think that I was a member. Then I shared parts of my story with him. I shared it much like I would share my story with kids at camp. I talked about my dad’s cancer and my parents love for Guatemala. I shared about my struggle with pride and about finding my worth in Christ. I shared about inner city mission trips and the way they have changed the direction of my life. I shared about Bible School and I shared about my decision to go to a different Church when I was in grade 11. I shared about why I moved and what I might take in school. There are a lot of things which have happened in my life. Then we started talking about the way he teaches. I admire his way of teaching so much, and he said that we should sit down and talk about it more some time. I’d like that. I didn’t think that we would talk for more than an hour, but we chatted for an hour and a half and we could have kept talking if he did not have a class to teach. He asked me where I attend church now, and when I told him that I went to a Mennonite Church he was rather surprised. As we walked down the hall to leave we talked about finding the value in different denominations even if we don’t agree with everything they believe.
I had told the girl I mentor that I would be at her house at one, but I did not leave the institute building until one and she lives far across the city. I also stopped at a gas station on the way to her house because I had to pee so bad, and while I was there I decided to buy gas and wash some of my windows. I then made a stop at Safeway, I more frequently shop at superstore, but Safeway was on the way and I have a gift card for there. I stopped to buy some fruits and veggies for the girl I mentor and her family. They lost electricity and thus lost all of the food in their fridge. I know that she will often tell me that there is no food it the fridge, but I know by that she often just means that there is nothing which she desires to eat, but when she asked for fruits and veggies, and her mom was well aware of her doing so, I know that they really did need some food. I got to the till and then remembered that I left my wallet it the car. I asked the cashier if I could run and grab it and she said that would be no problem, When I got back there was a different cashier and I was a little confused. Anyhow, I paid for my food, and completely forgot to use the gift card (good thing I will need more groceries again) and then got to her house at 1:51 Her nine year old sister greeted me and helped me put away the groceries. The girl I mentor was sleeping as she had felt kinda sick, but we woke her up to make cookies. And she came to life. After the cookie making I hung out with her little sister while she went and showered and then we went downtown to volunteer at a Centre which provides community, meals, food hampers and clothing to single moms and low income families. The girl I mentor and her mom and sister and a neighbour all came with us down there. It is great that they can volunteer and receive what they need at the same time, I think it gives dignity which is what that place is all about. They went home with food and new clothes. As I drove home (which give me a bit of time to think) I thought about how much I have come to love that family. I haven't always, but I think God has given me his love for them, and allowed me to see him in their love for eachother. That family is far from perfect. They hurt eachother, fight and yell at eachother, but in the end the love eachother, and care deeply for eachother and would do so much for eachother.
I also started thinking how it was pretty great that the place we volunteered at was able to give, and help out so much. I wondered if anyone practical would say that they should of had food storage so that when they were in need they had extra stored away, but I thought about the sharing that had taken place that night and then I got it. I couldn’t contain it. I laughed because I needed to release my heart. “That’s Christianity” I said out loud and I said it again, and again. I got it. Christianity isn’t having enough to care for one’s self, but about sharing when we have more than enough. It is about having a community to support those in need. It is about love. That is Christianity.
I think that Shane Claiborne echos the voice of the early Christians when he says that those with two coats ought to give one away, and to not give one away is like stealing from those who have none. I think if we have an extra can of food, and there are others going without, we have taken what rightfully belongs to them.

Saturday, 30 July 2011

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

"Opinions are good"

That is what my roommate told me the other night as we were chatting, “opinions are good, but society tells us to be so open minded that we lose the ability to form opinions”
I don’t know how I feel about that. I think when she said opinions, she largely meant religious convictions. I have an opinion about what is true. I have an opinion about whether or not that shirt looks good on you. I have an opinion about the meat industry and I have an opinion about God. Is that okay? My opinions might be wrong. If I say your shirt is ugly, I might be wrong, but if I say that I don’t like your shirt, you cannot argue with that. Opinions hurt people, and I don’t like hurting people. I also think that we can be far too set in our opinion that we fail to see where others are coming from, and fail to see the good in their opinion. Their opinion might be wrong, but I can still learn fron it and accept it as their opinion. And I shall try to learn to share my opinion without hurting other. These are just my baby thoughts ont this, I still have much to learn. What are your thoughts?

Unrelated quote for the day:
“Whenever you are in doubt, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and weakest person you may have seen and ask yourself if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to them.” - Gandhi

Thursday, 14 July 2011

I want to look the poor in the face, and see the face of God

"I wasn't exactly sure what a fully devoted Christian looked like, or if the world had even seen one in the last few centuries. From my desk at college, it looked like some time back we had stopped living Christianity and just started studying it." -Shane Claiborne

“He pled the cause of the afflicted and needy;
Then it was well.
Is not that what it means to know Me?”
Declares the LORD."
-Jeremiah 22:16

"God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them." -Bono

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Why not...?

I have been put face to face with my pride recently. I was reading a book about woman in leadership (especially Church leadership) which suggested that men are often unwilling to learn from woman because of their pride. But what about woman? What about me? It occurred to be that I may be too proud to learn from woman as well. Somehow I can get caught up thinking that I a better than the average female. I start thinking that they are all touchy feely and none of them use their brain very much. I easily believe that there is nothing good about being touchy feely and that I have nothing to learn from them. sorry, I am wrong. I need to live like I believe that I can learn something from everyone, because I can, and because I am not better than them. I tend to judge people quickly and then decide whether or not I can learn from them, or if they are interesting to me. I dismiss people quickly. I don’t give them a chance. This too is wrong. And it is degrading. I say that I believe that all people are valuable, but I don’t treat them all as if they are. I need to learn to treat people right, but what if I am unwilling to learn from the person who can teach me this? It is time that I push through the boundaries I have created.

Monday, 13 June 2011

Remand Centre

I was sitting on the city train and listening to the conversation of two men behind me.
“Did you just get out of the Remand Centre?” the one asked.
“Yep. You too?”
I looked up and out of my window I could see the Remand. Its tiny windows are like keys, but they seem to be hopeless keys that will never fit the lock. Hearing them speak about the Centre, and seeing it up ahead I was filled with emotions which I cannot quite understand, but I felt them in my gut. The Remand Centre which was built to house 340 prisoners now holds upwards of 800. I have heard that the human right activists have spoken harshly against the conditions inside. It is understaffed and as I gazed up at it I felt sick. This isn’t right, I thought. The train headed underground and the Remand was no longer in my sight, but it was still in my heart as I thought about the horrible treatment which is experienced there. The say that once people are finally sentenced they get two or even three days taken off of their jail term for every day they were in the Remand Centre because the conditions are so horrible. I heard the one man mention that he had gotten off “Scot Free”. I don’t know what he did, but it made me hurt for those who end up at the Remand even though they are innocent.
The train stopped and the Transit Police got on. “Tickets, transfers and passes” they demanded. I searched through my bag until I found my transfer to show to the Policewoman. She continued down the aisle. When she got to the men who had just gotten out of the Remand one was up front confessing “I don’t got one”. The other man searched in vain through his bag hoping to make it appear as if he had lost his ticket. They were both escorted off of the bus at the next stop.
I think it is just a fine if you fail to pay for the train, but I have come to realise that some people have no money, they cannot pay off a fine. If the fines don’t get paid I can only imagine that these men will end up back at the Remand.
The thought made me angry. I wished I could do something about it. I considered giving them my transfer; I didn’t know what else could be done. I wanted to offer them grace, but I wasn’t sure what it would have cost me.
The simple fact is that the train costs money. They didn’t pay, so they deserve the consequences. That is what is fair. That is justice... right?
I don’t know. It doesn’t sit right with me. The problem is far greater than the surface. It goes back further than I’ll ever know. Sending them back to the Remand seemingly with just perpetuate hopelessness. I am not convinced that incarceration is beneficial or even just, but I fear that I don’t have the better option. I just wanted to offer them grace, but maybe it wasn’t mine to give.

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Vegan Banana Bread

In the past week I have perfected, veganised and modified this recipe to the extent where I feel like I can call it my own. I for one really like it when people share their recipes, so I thought I could share this with the world
1 ½ Cups sugar
1 ¼ Oil (or vegan margarine)
4-5 bananas mashed
¼ cup apple sauce (not going to lie, I never measure this, because measuring apple sauce is messy)
2 TBSP flax (again, I never actually measure this)
1 TSP vanilla (who really measures)
1 ½ TSP baking soda
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup white flour
1 ½ cups chocolate chips

Mix Sugar and Oil.
Add mashed bananas, flax, apple sauce and vanilla. Mix well
Add flour, baking soda and salt, mix
Fold in chocolate chips

Makes 2 loaves -grease pan (bake at 325 for a long time)
18 muffins -grease muffin tin or use paper cups(bake at 365 for less time)


Wednesday, 18 May 2011

a baker dozen of lessons

I have been thinking about posting for a while. I have been learning a lot recently, but I am not exactly sure how to put it into words.
1) I have been learning that Jesus is Lord. When I look around at the mess in this world it is hard to believe that God is in control. But Jesus is Lord! He knows what he is doing. I don’t get it.
2) God has wrath. That is not something I enjoy thinking about, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. God is love. And like a lover, when he sees those he loves getting hurt, he gets angry.
3) But, he also doesn’t want to be angry at anyone, but to have peace with everyone
4) I am afraid to offend others by my opinions. I am afraid that my opinion will be wrong or foolish or something. I was driving with my sister and brother-in-law for 7 hours through the prairies, so we had to do something to pass the time. We started talking about baby names (though my sister is far from pregnant) and every time I had a different opinion about a name than they did, I kept it to myself. I did not feel free to disagree. I did not want to offend them or hurt them in any way, or be wrong for liking a name that they did not.
5) I like food too much. That is not the problem. I think the problem is that I like to eat too much, but I forget to be thankful. Gluttony leads to ungratefulness. I am there, but I don’t want to be there, but I am not sure what to do about that.
6) I am proud, and when I decide (for whatever reason) that I think I am better than someone then I think I cannot learn from them. That is a lie.
7) Up to this point in my life, personal development has been forced upon me. It is time I take responsibility for myself. The things I have yet to learn are: WHO do I want to be in five years, and what and I going to do to get there?
8) “I am not the girl I used to be, I am not yet who I will become” Suzy Welsh
9) I am unhealthily independent. While I think that we are created for community, I do not live that out, nor know what it would look like if I did. I am afraid to ask people to help me because I reckon that they do not want to help me. Maybe they are busy, or they just don’t care. Whatever it is I feel the responsibility to do everything on my own. I am learning that sometimes people want to help me.
10) My independence and self-reliance probably is at the root of my doubts that God will help me if I ask him. My independence roots from my childhood, they ways my parents forced me to be independent and the times my sister responded to me as if she did not care.
11) God is good. He is good to me. He is at work in this world. I have seen this and I cannot deny it. He has healed my dad! But sometimes I still doubt. I still lack faith.
12) God will punish the self-satisfied... is that me?
13) I am going to be learning for the rest of my life! When I was in high school I thought I knew everything. Then I realised that I do not know everything. I started trying to answer my new found questions so that I could get back to the place of knowing everything. I thought I’d better figure it all out pretty quickly. BUT I don’t have to get it all figured out pretty quickly. I will always be learning! Hooray! I have lots to learn, and some things I will probably have to learn yet again. But I am on my way. I am learning, and I will continue to learn all the more!

Friday, 29 April 2011

I had a ten second dance “party” today. It may have lasted longer than ten seconds, but I am sick, and I ran out of energy quickly. I also can’t dance. The “party” included me, and some punk ska music from my teenage years of which most people have never heard. I kept on thinking about this Dayz Wage song as I thought about how many people try to live their life to please God, and yet fail over and over. I was thinking about it today how some people’s sins are far more obvious. I like Dayz Wage because they don’t pretend to be perfect. It is pretty easy for me to pretend to be perfect. I can keep my faults hidden. But I am so far from perfect. I think hiding them though really accomplishes nothing. It also makes those who cannot hid their wrongdoings feel excluded. It becomes easy for them to feel like everyone else has it all together and that they are the only ones struggling. I struggle. I don't love God with my whole heart mind soul and strength. I don't love my neighbour as myself. That is what is most important, yet we are all to quick to judge the outward faults that can easily be seen.

Regular Kid –Dayz Wage

I’m just a regular kid I don’t know why
God there is so much is between you and I
I know that you know my heart and you’ve been in my place
I know you can help me start to see you face to face

God I love your forgiving nature
And I need your eternal power
Jesus Christ is the risen saviour
Praise his holy name forever.

I’m just a regular kid I don’t know why
God there is so much is between you and I
God if you want me I’m yours I don’t know why you would
Without you I’m weak and I’m poor but you can use me for good

Saturday, 16 April 2011

A Lesson From Snow

It was snowing again this morning, and I am still enjoying the snow. As I sat by the window and watched it fall, I realised why I like it so much. Without the snow, everything is dirty and yucky. The snow covers that up, it makes it beautiful. I watched as the snow covered the dead leaves on our deck, It makes it beautiful, but I know it will melt and the dirtiness will still be there. In the end, the snow doesn’t stay forever; the dirt has to be dealt with. The dirt doesn’t stay forever either. Transformation happens. Spring comes, but first the snow has to melt. First it has to get ugly. I started thinking introspectively. What am I trying to keep covered with snow? What is ugly that needs to be transformed? There are a couple people at work who I don’t really like. I can cover that up, and get along with them, for the most part, but sometimes my frustration towards them comes out. I don’t want to try to hide this. I don’t want to try to be nice. I don’t want to pretend. I want to be transformed. I want to love them as God loves them. I don’t know how this transformation will happen, but I know that I am not capable of bringing it about by myself, so I pray that God will change me. But I am afraid that first it might get ugly.

Thursday, 14 April 2011


I heard yesterday that it would snow overnight. I dreamed last night that it did not snow, and that made me sad. When I woke up this morning, I did not have that much motivation to get out of bed. Then I looked out my window and this is what I saw! SNOW! I love snow. I don't think most people were as excited about it as I was. But I have not had to much of winter yet. A lot of the snow has melted now. I hope it snows again in May!

Saturday, 2 April 2011

Always winter, never Christmas

Narnia is under a curse. It is always winter, and never Christmas. In the past few days, Narnia has been on our mind. I’ve been asked if I have seen Mr. Tumnus or the lamp post. It’s snowing. Since last night we’ve had about 6 inches and counting. But, it is beautiful. Rachel was over today. As she left my house, I watched the contrast of her black skirt and jacket as she walked into the white surroundings. Narnia. Always winter, but never Christmas.

Lucy and Edmund both go into the wardrobe. Once in Narnia Lucy meets Mr. Tumnus. He has given himself over in service to the White Witch, but upon meeting Lucy, he is able to see through the deception. Edmund, however, meets the terrifying White Witch herself. She chooses against killing him, but decides to use him for his own purpose. With her cunning ways, she wins him over to her side. She offers him enchanted Turkish Delight, and after tasting it, he will do anything to have more of it. Yet she tells him to work in secret, and not to believe any lies that he may hear from Lucy about her.

Edmund dismisses the warnings about the White Witch not because he doesn’t think that she may be dangerous, but because he longs for more Turkish Delight. When the Children all come to Narnia together, Edmund leaves his siblings to go find the White Witch. She is displeased that he has come alone, and keeps him locked up.
Always winter but never Christmas, and he is trapped in the Witches lonely cell.
Always winter, but then something happens. Some of the snow starts melting. A river starts to flow. Farther Christmas comes, and so does Aslan.

I am waiting for spring. I am waiting for Christmas. I am waiting for the curse to be broken, for flowers to grow, I am waiting for Aslan to show up.

Rachel is also waiting for spring. She isn’t pleased by the snow which keeps falling, and she thinks of moving away to escape it all. I don’t know that that would make her content. She is waiting for spring, but before spring comes Christmas, and with Christmas, Aslan comes.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011


I love Spring, and today is Spring. The snow is melting, the sun is shining and it is beautiful. I went for a walk, and just watched the waters flow. I could do that for hours.
I love the sound, and it is a picture of hope. As I was out there I thought of a poem (which would be a song if I was musical) which I wrote 4 years ago. I think I wrote it in the spring.

You send snow down
Like wool to the earth
You send snow down
And Lord, it’s cold
You send snow down
Chunks of ice
You send snow down
Frost that bites

Who can stand?
You send snow down.
Who can stand
Your icy blasts?
Who can stand
Against your order?
Who can stand
Against your hand?

You send order
Unto this earth
You send order
And Lord it hurts
You send order
Against this land
You send order
Lord give me your hand

Who can stand?
You send order.
Who can stand
Against your plan?
Who can stand
Against your order?
Who can stand
Against your hand?

Send your breath Lord, take my hand
Send your breeze and help me stand
Say a word and all will melt
At your breath the waters flow
Waters flow again
Waters flow.

See Psalm 147

Monday, 28 March 2011

My religion is loving Mormons

They say that whatever gets you out of bed in the morning is your religion. This morning I knew that I could sleep an hour longer, but I chose to get up so that I could have Elroy, a Latter-day Saint, as my bus driver. I knew when his bus came, and I got on it. It is an 11 minute bus ride from my house to the office, but to me those 11 minutes were worth an hour of sleep. We talked about jazz, a lot about jazz, and about not too much more than jazz. He told me that he had been doing a lot of snow removal in the past week, and we talked about the radio, and then about jazz.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

My world is shattered - DC Talk lied to me...

"Boom! Burn! Bip! Yeah! Pow! Hey, ha ha.
Down with the dc Talk, d- d- down with the dc Talk
Are you down with the dc Talk,
d- d- down with the dc Talk
Pullin' out my big black book
Cause when I need a word defined that's where I look
So I move to the L's quick, fast, in a hurry
Threw on my specs, thought my vision was blurry
I looked again but to my dismay
It was black and white with no room for grey
Ya see, a big "V" stood beyond my word
And yo that's when it hit me, that luv is a verb"

So, love is a verb. That sounds right, an action word. something we should do. But today I learned that it is more than a verb. It is not so black and white. Love can be a noun... a NOUN, imagine that?!?! This changes everything!!!! I am not exactly sure how yet.

Monday, 21 March 2011

I really am becoming more childish. My new favourite food is "ants on a log" which is funny because I do not really like celery, peanut butter or raisins.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

I got a secret... I am afraid that if you know me you will not love me.

Ever since my last post I have been realising that I am afraid to be all that honest, about who I am, on this blog spot. I am afraid that then I will not be loved or accepted. Well, I hope that is not true, and I reckon I need not have that fear. If I am honest about who I am, and people do not like that then at least they are choosing not to like me for me and not some fake me. I am sure not everyone is going to like me, but that shouldn’t stop me from being myself. With that being said... who am I? How would I describe myself?
I don’t know.
But I know what’s important to me.
-Living intentionally
-Living communally
-Living missionally
-Glimpses of that which is beyond my comprehension
-Sleeping as much as possible
-Being active
-Eating tasty food
-The Bible
-Embracing diversity
-Living ethically
-Profound thoughts and deep conversation
-The Earth
Well, I am sure that there are more things, but that is all that have come to my mind right now. I bothers me a little how we often define others by their occupation. I remember the point being made that we are human beings, and not human doings. Who am I? Recently I have felt rather young and childish. My desire is to shrink from all responsibilities. I long to be carefree. Unfortunately I have been rather busy. I am a people pleaser. I just want everyone to be happy. I am rebellious. I have never been fond of authority, yet I am afraid of them, and still a people pleaser. I challenge the status-quo.

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

To be Known and Loved

(A post of stereotypes which I see all too often in this world)
A wise man once said that “people just want to be known and loved for who they truly are.” That seems simple enough, but when I look around it is such a foreign concept. Everyone is trying to perform. To be someone that others will like, because well... simply we fear, that if they know us, the real us, they might not like us. I think about the air brushing and photo editing which goes into every magazine picture, and it sickens me that societies idols set such an unattainable standard. Maybe that is why we idolize them. If after all, we could become like them, we wouldn’t have much to look up too. Yet so many still strive after this impossibility. They try to look and act just right. They try to become those to whom society gives attention. They try because they want to be loved. I wonder if many celebrities feel unfulfilled in the love they receive. I wonder if they have compromised themselves to get the attention which they now receive. I wonder if they feel loved at all, or if they feel that we just love the image they present, their face on the magazine, and not the real them after all. When we hide ourselves behind a mask do we fail to receive the love that others send our way? When we refuse to love people until they reach our standards our love becomes shallow and conditional. We have created a death trap...
What do we do?

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

I have since become involved in panicked scenery.

Thursday, 13 January 2011


The Narnians have been deceived by an Ape who shows them a false Aslan and barks out commands as if they were from Aslan himself. Only these new commands go against the character we know Aslan to be. King Tirian finds a donkey dressed up as Aslan, which the Ape uses to deceive the Narnians. He then comes across some dwarfs who have been sold in to slavery because of “Aslan’s orders”. He is excited to show them that it has all been a lie. He shows them the obvious flaws in what they had believed, but they do not respond as he had hoped.

“I don’t know how all you chaps feel, but I feel I’ve heard as much about Aslan as I want to for the rest of my life... You must think we’re blooming soft in the head, that you must... We’ve been taken in once and now you expect us to be taken in again the next minute. We’ve no more use for stories about Aslan, see! Look at him! An old moke with long ears”
“By heavens, you make me mad,” said Tirian “which of us said that was Aslan? That is the Ape’s imitation of the real Aslan. Can’t you understand?”
“And you have got a better imitation, I suppose! No thanks. We’ve been fooled once and we’re not going to be fooled again.”
“I have not,” said Tirian angrily, “I serve the real Aslan.”
“Where’s he? Who’s he? Show him to us!”
“Do you think I keep him in my wallet, fools?” Said Tirian “Who am I that I could make Aslan appear at my bidding? He’s not a tame lion.”
“Not a tame lion, not a tame lion... That’s what the other lot kept on telling us.”
Tirian had never dreamed that one of the results of an Ape’s setting up a false Aslan would be to stop people from believing in the real one. He had felt quite sure that the Dwarfs would rally to his side the moment he showed them how they had been deceived.