slightly Out of Place

On Ash Wednesday I made a last minute decision to give up blogging (and primarily the reading of blogs) for Lent.  I made this decision because I was feeling super busy at that time, and I thought that blogging was the least valuable thing I did that consumed a lot of time which I could get rid of. 

I find many in our society spend a lot of time entertaining themselves either through fictional stories (primarily movies) or the lives of celebrities.  I generally think that I would rather spend my time getting to know my neighbours and hearing the stories of friends. 

Shortly after Lent began I read two books in a week.  I don’t normally read so much.  Anyhow, it made me realise that reading blogs is really just like reading short stories, or novels one chapter at a time.  Reading really isn’t bad, and blogs are the thoughts of real people, with whom I can have some (if only minimal) interaction.   

So I really don’t think blog reading is a bad thing.  It can take up too much of my time.  That is true, but in moderation it is good.  So, hopefully I can be part of the blogger world in moderation.

I is creative...

Look!

I made a tree!
I made it out of dreads... Yup, my dreads, but don't worry there is still plenty of dread left on my head.
A tree made out of dreads...? That's disgusting... I know.

Look!

I made cookies!
They are pretty!
It was fun!
My inspiration?
http://wifeofthecolonel.blogspot.com/2012/01/easy-slice-and-bake-cookies.html
Only, I think I did something wrong because the dough was too soft. I only made a half recipe, so maybe I did bad math, or maybe it was the use of vegan margarine instead of butter.
I added extra flour... and sugar

Proverb:

today I made up a proverb. maybe it has been stated before:

A man is as rich as his friends are generous.

what do you think?

a baker dozen of lessons

I have been thinking about posting for a while. I have been learning a lot recently, but I am not exactly sure how to put it into words.
1) I have been learning that Jesus is Lord. When I look around at the mess in this world it is hard to believe that God is in control. But Jesus is Lord! He knows what he is doing. I don’t get it.
2) God has wrath. That is not something I enjoy thinking about, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. God is love. And like a lover, when he sees those he loves getting hurt, he gets angry.
3) But, he also doesn’t want to be angry at anyone, but to have peace with everyone
4) I am afraid to offend others by my opinions. I am afraid that my opinion will be wrong or foolish or something. I was driving with my sister and brother-in-law for 7 hours through the prairies, so we had to do something to pass the time. We started talking about baby names (though my sister is far from pregnant) and every time I had a different opinion about a name than they did, I kept it to myself. I did not feel free to disagree. I did not want to offend them or hurt them in any way, or be wrong for liking a name that they did not.
5) I like food too much. That is not the problem. I think the problem is that I like to eat too much, but I forget to be thankful. Gluttony leads to ungratefulness. I am there, but I don’t want to be there, but I am not sure what to do about that.
6) I am proud, and when I decide (for whatever reason) that I think I am better than someone then I think I cannot learn from them. That is a lie.
7) Up to this point in my life, personal development has been forced upon me. It is time I take responsibility for myself. The things I have yet to learn are: WHO do I want to be in five years, and what and I going to do to get there?
8) “I am not the girl I used to be, I am not yet who I will become” Suzy Welsh
9) I am unhealthily independent. While I think that we are created for community, I do not live that out, nor know what it would look like if I did. I am afraid to ask people to help me because I reckon that they do not want to help me. Maybe they are busy, or they just don’t care. Whatever it is I feel the responsibility to do everything on my own. I am learning that sometimes people want to help me.
10) My independence and self-reliance probably is at the root of my doubts that God will help me if I ask him. My independence roots from my childhood, they ways my parents forced me to be independent and the times my sister responded to me as if she did not care.
11) God is good. He is good to me. He is at work in this world. I have seen this and I cannot deny it. He has healed my dad! But sometimes I still doubt. I still lack faith.
12) God will punish the self-satisfied... is that me?
13) I am going to be learning for the rest of my life! When I was in high school I thought I knew everything. Then I realised that I do not know everything. I started trying to answer my new found questions so that I could get back to the place of knowing everything. I thought I’d better figure it all out pretty quickly. BUT I don’t have to get it all figured out pretty quickly. I will always be learning! Hooray! I have lots to learn, and some things I will probably have to learn yet again. But I am on my way. I am learning, and I will continue to learn all the more!

My world is shattered - DC Talk lied to me...

"Boom! Burn! Bip! Yeah! Pow! Hey, ha ha.
Down with the dc Talk, d- d- down with the dc Talk
Are you down with the dc Talk,
d- d- down with the dc Talk
Pullin' out my big black book
Cause when I need a word defined that's where I look
So I move to the L's quick, fast, in a hurry
Threw on my specs, thought my vision was blurry
I looked again but to my dismay
It was black and white with no room for grey
Ya see, a big "V" stood beyond my word
And yo that's when it hit me, that luv is a verb"

So, love is a verb. That sounds right, an action word. something we should do. But today I learned that it is more than a verb. It is not so black and white. Love can be a noun... a NOUN, imagine that?!?! This changes everything!!!! I am not exactly sure how yet.

I have since become involved in panicked scenery.

Don't worry, be happy

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

For the lack

At work as staff we always do devotions. We haven't always, then we questioned if maybe our programs we not very God focused because our office time was not very God focused and we were not doing the devotions. But I took that further and thought my personal life should include more God time, and that I need to start my morning off I prayer (part of what is telling me I need to make time for God every morning, the other part in a priority thing, so I can remember God is the priority, and people too. Not stuff.) Maybe, I should leave for work early and then find somewhere on my walk to work to stop and talk to God and Bible read. See if the Bible is our daily bread, then going to work and not having Bible reading time is like going to work hungry, and it is hard to be as effective if one goes to work hungry... maybe it is hard to be as effective at work if I go without spending time with God first... or at least some time in the day. I find though sometimes the time seems empty, meaningless. Like I don't really learning anything, I don't get new inspiration, or if I do, I just forget it. And if I forget it, then did it ever really happen?

i am done school, i cant say i have ever been as happy about it,


PARTY


now what do i do?
any ideas?

Nineveh or Tarshish

I have an opportunity to go to Bolivia.
My life dream (see below) has not changed since gr.8.
I wanna do inner city work in Calgary.
I have been thinking about Jonah
I feel so inadequate to work in Calgary.
I wonder if going to Bolivia is fleeing from Calgary
Going to Tarshish, fleeing from Nineveh
But maybe Calgary is to wait
I wont be in Bolivia for forever
What if i never go to Calgary to do youth work?
What if I just want to think going to Bolivia is like fleeing.
Because i am afraid to go there
Because i don't wanna leave friends
family
the comfort of home
Because it is just that my easier not to go.
but if i know one thing in life,
I'm tired of it being easy
tired of living in comfort
getting what i want,
doing as i please
Having nothing to worry about
yet, i like it
but where will it get me?
where will i learn to have faith?
how will i know to how to trust God?
maybe it is not about my passions
my will
my desires
I wish i knew God's passions
his will
his desires.
God will work through me where ever i am
Bolivia
Canada
He worked through Jonah,
even on his way to Tarshish
The men he was with learned to fear his God
I want people to learn to fear my God
to repent
to find Joy
to hunger for the Lord,
and to be filled
Yet i am still learning to fear my God
to repent
to find Joy
to hunger only for the Lord
and to allow him to fill me
we all hunger for God
but sometimes we don't know it
we search for stuff
friends
activities
money to fill that need
sometimes we even get satisfied with this stuff
we fill our lives with it
until there is no room for God
In Canada I have stuff
friends
Activities
and money
what if that is getting in my way of being filled by God
of relying on God
of knowing God
of hearing God
how will i ever know what to do until i hear God
life is so crowded here
in Bolivia i would be vulnerable
open
empty
weak
silent
how can i hear his voice when life is so crowded
with stuff
school
books
friends
God can speak through all of those
but only if within them i am listening
The word of the Lord came to Jonah
twice
Once he ignored it
then he listened
he followed
The people were saved
Jonah was angry
I long for God's will to be done
I hope it will not make me angry
i desire for it to be done through me
it is hard to be listening for God
especially in the middle of finals
but somethings are more important than others
and Blogging is probably not one of them
Jonah 3:3 Jonah obeyed the word of God and went to Nineveh
I hope it can be said of me
Patricia obeyed the word of God and went
sooner or later I got to get out of the comfort that surrounds me
it has been far to easy for far too long
I have been relying on my own strength
and it has mostly been enough
but it won't always be enough
and i don't want it to be enough
But God's strength will be enough

Dream Big

someday i wanna skateboard somewhere, far away, thats my dream, what is your dream, like a dream for life, my other one, is to set up a hangout place for teens in calgary, but recently it is to skatebaord, to like canmore or something,4 hours drive, but forever on a board. what else. i am writting a story, it is taking a while, but i am at a point where i need to make up some background, and am not sure how exactly what it will be. stories, they are fun to write. What do you think about when you ride horses, cause when i ride horses i think about not falling off, and hoping the horse will keep moving, and not run into a tree. but that might just be me. how long would it take, to skateboard to reddeer?? that i think i wanna find out, my problem is i have no time to do my massive skateboard trip, cause i got school, and i cant much go in the winter, i was thinking spring break, but it still might be too cold, i was thinkingnext summer, but then i wanna work at my camp as a cook. i think that dreams are looked down apone, never taken seriously, i heard this kid talking, i think t his mom, about how he wanted to be in the NHL, but the kid said 'that's a silly dream" cause that is what he had always been told, but his mom told him it was not silly, it would take lots of work, but he could do it. that made me happy, cause i dont think enough poeple believe in others dreams andhow, random rant from patricia...

i wrote that al loooong time ago, highschool? before i had my longboard gr 12 id say, and now, i wanna hand out the metro
"goodmorning, would you like a metro?" "please recycle"