I have been thinking about posting for a while. I have been learning a lot recently, but I am not exactly sure how to put it into words.
1) I have been learning that Jesus is Lord. When I look around at the mess in this world it is hard to believe that God is in control. But Jesus is Lord! He knows what he is doing. I don’t get it.
2) God has wrath. That is not something I enjoy thinking about, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. God is love. And like a lover, when he sees those he loves getting hurt, he gets angry.
3) But, he also doesn’t want to be angry at anyone, but to have peace with everyone
4) I am afraid to offend others by my opinions. I am afraid that my opinion will be wrong or foolish or something. I was driving with my sister and brother-in-law for 7 hours through the prairies, so we had to do something to pass the time. We started talking about baby names (though my sister is far from pregnant) and every time I had a different opinion about a name than they did, I kept it to myself. I did not feel free to disagree. I did not want to offend them or hurt them in any way, or be wrong for liking a name that they did not.
5) I like food too much. That is not the problem. I think the problem is that I like to eat too much, but I forget to be thankful. Gluttony leads to ungratefulness. I am there, but I don’t want to be there, but I am not sure what to do about that.
6) I am proud, and when I decide (for whatever reason) that I think I am better than someone then I think I cannot learn from them. That is a lie.
7) Up to this point in my life, personal development has been forced upon me. It is time I take responsibility for myself. The things I have yet to learn are: WHO do I want to be in five years, and what and I going to do to get there?
8) “I am not the girl I used to be, I am not yet who I will become” Suzy Welsh
9) I am unhealthily independent. While I think that we are created for community, I do not live that out, nor know what it would look like if I did. I am afraid to ask people to help me because I reckon that they do not want to help me. Maybe they are busy, or they just don’t care. Whatever it is I feel the responsibility to do everything on my own. I am learning that sometimes people want to help me.
10) My independence and self-reliance probably is at the root of my doubts that God will help me if I ask him. My independence roots from my childhood, they ways my parents forced me to be independent and the times my sister responded to me as if she did not care.
11) God is good. He is good to me. He is at work in this world. I have seen this and I cannot deny it. He has healed my dad! But sometimes I still doubt. I still lack faith.
12) God will punish the self-satisfied... is that me?
13) I am going to be learning for the rest of my life! When I was in high school I thought I knew everything. Then I realised that I do not know everything. I started trying to answer my new found questions so that I could get back to the place of knowing everything. I thought I’d better figure it all out pretty quickly. BUT I don’t have to get it all figured out pretty quickly. I will always be learning! Hooray! I have lots to learn, and some things I will probably have to learn yet again. But I am on my way. I am learning, and I will continue to learn all the more!