Monday, 31 December 2007

i am rapidly going crazy
like an introvert
constantly surrounded by people
save me.

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

Joy, the gift of God's presents(presence)

I got my drivers license today, but now i never wanna drive, the thought scares me... (so i can't drive to Lacombe or Belfast)... but on to more weighing matters.

I was talking to a friend today
a lonely friend
a hurting friend
mediocre, mellow, moderate, modest
But mostly, he was lonely
and when we talked about Christmas
it meant nothing to him
no family to see
no friends to gather
no money to buy gifts
and no one to buy gifts for
sure the shelters would have a special Christmas event
and gifts
but on Christmas they are silent
the volunteers at home
with friends
enjoying their time of refreshment
Christmas day must hurt
it is a time,
A time of friendship, spend alone
Of feasting, spent hungry
of presents, spent giftless
I wanted to cry for him
his face was as though he didn't care
his words portrayed that he wished he had made better choices
and now,
it was too late

He was one of many
and not the only one i talked to today

Richard hadn't had Christmas in nine years
Nine years with no joy, no presents
nine frost biting years
nine years ago (or so) i got a toy seal,
and a pink folder with stickers
and many other things, i no longer remember
and then when the gifts where all opened
and i had my toys lined up behind me
They were so few
I though
I should get more
but nine years ago Richard didn't even have a Christmas
he had nothing to line up
nothing to show off
and no one to show it off to

Richard never seems that lonely to me.
always he is there with a friend
or two
and he is happy
yet he has no one to have Christmas with
no where to gather together
so he is left alone
and is that really a holiday?
i look forward to Christmas
mostly to see my cousins
and aunts and uncles
and may Grandparents
But if i had no one to go see
no good food to eat
no presents for me
I would dread that day
a time of joy
but i would loathe every moment of it's approaching
I'd give up on every having a good Christmas
leave behind my Childhood memories
Forget that i ever liked it
but Richard has not given up
he says
He is finally going up in the world
he thought
maybe next year
maybe then he would have a house
and have a celebration
don't loose hope,
never loose hope Richard

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

i am done school, i cant say i have ever been as happy about it,


now what do i do?
any ideas?

Saturday, 8 December 2007

Nineveh or Tarshish

I have an opportunity to go to Bolivia.
My life dream (see below) has not changed since gr.8.
I wanna do inner city work in Calgary.
I have been thinking about Jonah
I feel so inadequate to work in Calgary.
I wonder if going to Bolivia is fleeing from Calgary
Going to Tarshish, fleeing from Nineveh
But maybe Calgary is to wait
I wont be in Bolivia for forever
What if i never go to Calgary to do youth work?
What if I just want to think going to Bolivia is like fleeing.
Because i am afraid to go there
Because i don't wanna leave friends
the comfort of home
Because it is just that my easier not to go.
but if i know one thing in life,
I'm tired of it being easy
tired of living in comfort
getting what i want,
doing as i please
Having nothing to worry about
yet, i like it
but where will it get me?
where will i learn to have faith?
how will i know to how to trust God?
maybe it is not about my passions
my will
my desires
I wish i knew God's passions
his will
his desires.
God will work through me where ever i am
He worked through Jonah,
even on his way to Tarshish
The men he was with learned to fear his God
I want people to learn to fear my God
to repent
to find Joy
to hunger for the Lord,
and to be filled
Yet i am still learning to fear my God
to repent
to find Joy
to hunger only for the Lord
and to allow him to fill me
we all hunger for God
but sometimes we don't know it
we search for stuff
money to fill that need
sometimes we even get satisfied with this stuff
we fill our lives with it
until there is no room for God
In Canada I have stuff
and money
what if that is getting in my way of being filled by God
of relying on God
of knowing God
of hearing God
how will i ever know what to do until i hear God
life is so crowded here
in Bolivia i would be vulnerable
how can i hear his voice when life is so crowded
with stuff
God can speak through all of those
but only if within them i am listening
The word of the Lord came to Jonah
Once he ignored it
then he listened
he followed
The people were saved
Jonah was angry
I long for God's will to be done
I hope it will not make me angry
i desire for it to be done through me
it is hard to be listening for God
especially in the middle of finals
but somethings are more important than others
and Blogging is probably not one of them
Jonah 3:3 Jonah obeyed the word of God and went to Nineveh
I hope it can be said of me
Patricia obeyed the word of God and went
sooner or later I got to get out of the comfort that surrounds me
it has been far to easy for far too long
I have been relying on my own strength
and it has mostly been enough
but it won't always be enough
and i don't want it to be enough
But God's strength will be enough

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

Dream Big

someday i wanna skateboard somewhere, far away, thats my dream, what is your dream, like a dream for life, my other one, is to set up a hangout place for teens in calgary, but recently it is to skatebaord, to like canmore or something,4 hours drive, but forever on a board. what else. i am writting a story, it is taking a while, but i am at a point where i need to make up some background, and am not sure how exactly what it will be. stories, they are fun to write. What do you think about when you ride horses, cause when i ride horses i think about not falling off, and hoping the horse will keep moving, and not run into a tree. but that might just be me. how long would it take, to skateboard to reddeer?? that i think i wanna find out, my problem is i have no time to do my massive skateboard trip, cause i got school, and i cant much go in the winter, i was thinking spring break, but it still might be too cold, i was thinkingnext summer, but then i wanna work at my camp as a cook. i think that dreams are looked down apone, never taken seriously, i heard this kid talking, i think t his mom, about how he wanted to be in the NHL, but the kid said 'that's a silly dream" cause that is what he had always been told, but his mom told him it was not silly, it would take lots of work, but he could do it. that made me happy, cause i dont think enough poeple believe in others dreams andhow, random rant from patricia...

i wrote that al loooong time ago, highschool? before i had my longboard gr 12 id say, and now, i wanna hand out the metro
"goodmorning, would you like a metro?" "please recycle"

Monday, 19 November 2007


this world is hurting you know. many a people are hurting, lost and afraid. poeple are hurt by themselves, by others and by disease. my life is pretty easy going, but i feel sick to the stomach for all those i know who are hurting. i feel so helpless, i bet they do too. i geuss a bit of a poem i wrote, about the world, I cry to God, cause i know he could change it all, but he doen't he has a bigger plan that i dont see.

titled: a need to be still

How can I say it,
about what you’ve created?
This world suck.
Look what we’ve done,
from perfection to sin.

Where are you?
Cause we’ve gone so far from the truth.
In death and tears,
still you promise to be near.

In all the pain
You promise to be faithful
You’re still true;
you have control so
why do you do what you do?
Why don’t you do what I want you to?
I need to be still and know you are God.
I need to be still.

How can I say it,
about what you’ve created?
This world suck.
Look what we’ve done,
from perfection to sin.

Where are you?
I’m searching and longing for truth.
In death and tears,
still I've felt your presence near.

There’s so much pain,
cause you’ve given us freewill.
You still control,
but you let us choose.
Why do we do what we do?
Why don’t we do what you want us to?
We need to be still and know you are God.
I need to be still.

How can I say it,
about what you’ve created?
This world suck.
Look what we’ve done,
from perfection to sin.

i just wanna take away all hurt, God can, but you know maybe it has a purpose. maybe being in pain and suffering isnt all that bad and good comes out of it. but i can hardly believe that and i dont much suffer, how could someone in pain believe that, but i need to be still and know i'm not God, i dont got it all figured out. i wish my friends didn't have to hurt. and it aint a part of God's plan, it is a part of this messed up world we live in. yet somehow God can use it for good, and he is waiting for us, i think. you know? we cant get mad at God for doing what he does, what he does is always right, but what we do isn't always right.

Friday, 9 November 2007


When even the sun’s gone dark, and the stars forget to shine; when the moon reflects only dust, into this bitter heart of mine;
find me.

When the smoothest rock is rough, and silk a bed of nails; when a tapestry dulls my soul, and looses all color and details;
find me.

If you got a tear to tide me over, wipe your own eyes dry. If you think a crumb will calm my fears, you’re believing in a lie.
find me.

Where a hollowed rock becomes my home, all alone, all alone; where bird nor beast would dare to come, forbidden place of foul stone;
find me.

Where water’s poisoned, and swamp is deep; where a silent valley is trapped by walls so steep;
find me.

If you got a tear to tide me over, wipe your own eyes dry. If you think a crumb will calm my fears, you’re believing in a lie.
find me.

For the wind has stilled, and the time is right; For the trembling stones are darker than night;
find me.
For I’m all alone, and I can’t hold on; for I’ve lost all hope, and my tears will soon be gone;
find me.

If you got a tear to tide me over, wipe your own eyes dry. If you think a crumb will calm my fears, you’re believing in a lie.
find me.

Come through the forest on the path of the night; come and be singing, for it shall bring light;
find me.

Come with a hope that brightens your face; Come with a sword, and get me out of this place;
find me.

A tear can’t tide me over. A crumb can’t calm my fears. What I need is you, and I need you to be near.
find me.

Sunday, 21 October 2007

serenity, it is what i long for

lo, where do we stand in the face of death?

Alas, the world is dying
and there is nothing left to hold
Earth giving way beneath their feet
Sky turning grey, hearts going cold

Woe to those around me
My heart reaches out to you
From deep inside, piercing cries
Look, look until you know what’s true

Hark, for soon will be to late
Look up; look out from the inside.
For pleasures and passions will all pass on,
Come in, come out and gone with the tide.

Alas, the world is dying
Am I the only one alive?
For the world’s slipping from beneath their feet
And I feel alone though I survive

Woe to those who cannot stand
Take my hand; take my hand.
But alone they fight for personal rights
Though truth if free, it’s not their demand

Hark, all of you who are with me
All of you who are on your feet
Look, look we are not alone
Together we are not incomplete.


Monday, 26 March 2007

Lines of Night

They think they’re prefect
Their ways are straight
Each in order.
They never change.
They think they got it
Got it all right
But they are nothing
But lines of night.

Clouds amongst the lines of night
Fluffs of brightness reflecting light

They’re icy cold
In darkest paths
Their ways unbroken
Proud. Frozen. Solid.
In all bleakness empty
Their ways unchanging
For they are nothing
But lines of night.

Clouds amongst the lines of night
Bringing hope and reflecting light

Their hearts are hard
Afraid of change
Wanting to stay
Thinking of a new.
Enjoying what’s the same
Hoping to be more
More than the nothing
of lines of night.

Clouds amongst the lines of night
Fading to day of bright sunlight