Why not...?

I have been put face to face with my pride recently. I was reading a book about woman in leadership (especially Church leadership) which suggested that men are often unwilling to learn from woman because of their pride. But what about woman? What about me? It occurred to be that I may be too proud to learn from woman as well. Somehow I can get caught up thinking that I a better than the average female. I start thinking that they are all touchy feely and none of them use their brain very much. I easily believe that there is nothing good about being touchy feely and that I have nothing to learn from them. sorry, I am wrong. I need to live like I believe that I can learn something from everyone, because I can, and because I am not better than them. I tend to judge people quickly and then decide whether or not I can learn from them, or if they are interesting to me. I dismiss people quickly. I don’t give them a chance. This too is wrong. And it is degrading. I say that I believe that all people are valuable, but I don’t treat them all as if they are. I need to learn to treat people right, but what if I am unwilling to learn from the person who can teach me this? It is time that I push through the boundaries I have created.

Remand Centre

I was sitting on the city train and listening to the conversation of two men behind me.
“Did you just get out of the Remand Centre?” the one asked.
“Yep. You too?”
“Yep.”
I looked up and out of my window I could see the Remand. Its tiny windows are like keys, but they seem to be hopeless keys that will never fit the lock. Hearing them speak about the Centre, and seeing it up ahead I was filled with emotions which I cannot quite understand, but I felt them in my gut. The Remand Centre which was built to house 340 prisoners now holds upwards of 800. I have heard that the human right activists have spoken harshly against the conditions inside. It is understaffed and as I gazed up at it I felt sick. This isn’t right, I thought. The train headed underground and the Remand was no longer in my sight, but it was still in my heart as I thought about the horrible treatment which is experienced there. The say that once people are finally sentenced they get two or even three days taken off of their jail term for every day they were in the Remand Centre because the conditions are so horrible. I heard the one man mention that he had gotten off “Scot Free”. I don’t know what he did, but it made me hurt for those who end up at the Remand even though they are innocent.
The train stopped and the Transit Police got on. “Tickets, transfers and passes” they demanded. I searched through my bag until I found my transfer to show to the Policewoman. She continued down the aisle. When she got to the men who had just gotten out of the Remand one was up front confessing “I don’t got one”. The other man searched in vain through his bag hoping to make it appear as if he had lost his ticket. They were both escorted off of the bus at the next stop.
I think it is just a fine if you fail to pay for the train, but I have come to realise that some people have no money, they cannot pay off a fine. If the fines don’t get paid I can only imagine that these men will end up back at the Remand.
The thought made me angry. I wished I could do something about it. I considered giving them my transfer; I didn’t know what else could be done. I wanted to offer them grace, but I wasn’t sure what it would have cost me.
The simple fact is that the train costs money. They didn’t pay, so they deserve the consequences. That is what is fair. That is justice... right?
I don’t know. It doesn’t sit right with me. The problem is far greater than the surface. It goes back further than I’ll ever know. Sending them back to the Remand seemingly with just perpetuate hopelessness. I am not convinced that incarceration is beneficial or even just, but I fear that I don’t have the better option. I just wanted to offer them grace, but maybe it wasn’t mine to give.

Vegan Banana Bread

In the past week I have perfected, veganised and modified this recipe to the extent where I feel like I can call it my own. I for one really like it when people share their recipes, so I thought I could share this with the world
1 ½ Cups sugar
1 ¼ Oil (or vegan margarine)
4-5 bananas mashed
¼ cup apple sauce (not going to lie, I never measure this, because measuring apple sauce is messy)
2 TBSP flax (again, I never actually measure this)
1 TSP vanilla (who really measures)
Salt
1 ½ TSP baking soda
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup white flour
1 ½ cups chocolate chips

Mix Sugar and Oil.
Add mashed bananas, flax, apple sauce and vanilla. Mix well
Add flour, baking soda and salt, mix
Fold in chocolate chips

Makes 2 loaves -grease pan (bake at 325 for a long time)
Or
18 muffins -grease muffin tin or use paper cups(bake at 365 for less time)

Enjoy!

a baker dozen of lessons

I have been thinking about posting for a while. I have been learning a lot recently, but I am not exactly sure how to put it into words.
1) I have been learning that Jesus is Lord. When I look around at the mess in this world it is hard to believe that God is in control. But Jesus is Lord! He knows what he is doing. I don’t get it.
2) God has wrath. That is not something I enjoy thinking about, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. God is love. And like a lover, when he sees those he loves getting hurt, he gets angry.
3) But, he also doesn’t want to be angry at anyone, but to have peace with everyone
4) I am afraid to offend others by my opinions. I am afraid that my opinion will be wrong or foolish or something. I was driving with my sister and brother-in-law for 7 hours through the prairies, so we had to do something to pass the time. We started talking about baby names (though my sister is far from pregnant) and every time I had a different opinion about a name than they did, I kept it to myself. I did not feel free to disagree. I did not want to offend them or hurt them in any way, or be wrong for liking a name that they did not.
5) I like food too much. That is not the problem. I think the problem is that I like to eat too much, but I forget to be thankful. Gluttony leads to ungratefulness. I am there, but I don’t want to be there, but I am not sure what to do about that.
6) I am proud, and when I decide (for whatever reason) that I think I am better than someone then I think I cannot learn from them. That is a lie.
7) Up to this point in my life, personal development has been forced upon me. It is time I take responsibility for myself. The things I have yet to learn are: WHO do I want to be in five years, and what and I going to do to get there?
8) “I am not the girl I used to be, I am not yet who I will become” Suzy Welsh
9) I am unhealthily independent. While I think that we are created for community, I do not live that out, nor know what it would look like if I did. I am afraid to ask people to help me because I reckon that they do not want to help me. Maybe they are busy, or they just don’t care. Whatever it is I feel the responsibility to do everything on my own. I am learning that sometimes people want to help me.
10) My independence and self-reliance probably is at the root of my doubts that God will help me if I ask him. My independence roots from my childhood, they ways my parents forced me to be independent and the times my sister responded to me as if she did not care.
11) God is good. He is good to me. He is at work in this world. I have seen this and I cannot deny it. He has healed my dad! But sometimes I still doubt. I still lack faith.
12) God will punish the self-satisfied... is that me?
13) I am going to be learning for the rest of my life! When I was in high school I thought I knew everything. Then I realised that I do not know everything. I started trying to answer my new found questions so that I could get back to the place of knowing everything. I thought I’d better figure it all out pretty quickly. BUT I don’t have to get it all figured out pretty quickly. I will always be learning! Hooray! I have lots to learn, and some things I will probably have to learn yet again. But I am on my way. I am learning, and I will continue to learn all the more!

God is Love!

I had a ten second dance “party” today. It may have lasted longer than ten seconds, but I am sick, and I ran out of energy quickly. I also can’t dance. The “party” included me, and some punk ska music from my teenage years of which most people have never heard. I kept on thinking about this Dayz Wage song as I thought about how many people try to live their life to please God, and yet fail over and over. I was thinking about it today how some people’s sins are far more obvious. I like Dayz Wage because they don’t pretend to be perfect. It is pretty easy for me to pretend to be perfect. I can keep my faults hidden. But I am so far from perfect. I think hiding them though really accomplishes nothing. It also makes those who cannot hid their wrongdoings feel excluded. It becomes easy for them to feel like everyone else has it all together and that they are the only ones struggling. I struggle. I don't love God with my whole heart mind soul and strength. I don't love my neighbour as myself. That is what is most important, yet we are all to quick to judge the outward faults that can easily be seen.

Regular Kid –Dayz Wage

I’m just a regular kid I don’t know why
God there is so much is between you and I
I know that you know my heart and you’ve been in my place
I know you can help me start to see you face to face

God I love your forgiving nature
And I need your eternal power
Jesus Christ is the risen saviour
Praise his holy name forever.

I’m just a regular kid I don’t know why
God there is so much is between you and I
God if you want me I’m yours I don’t know why you would
Without you I’m weak and I’m poor but you can use me for good

A Lesson From Snow

It was snowing again this morning, and I am still enjoying the snow. As I sat by the window and watched it fall, I realised why I like it so much. Without the snow, everything is dirty and yucky. The snow covers that up, it makes it beautiful. I watched as the snow covered the dead leaves on our deck, It makes it beautiful, but I know it will melt and the dirtiness will still be there. In the end, the snow doesn’t stay forever; the dirt has to be dealt with. The dirt doesn’t stay forever either. Transformation happens. Spring comes, but first the snow has to melt. First it has to get ugly. I started thinking introspectively. What am I trying to keep covered with snow? What is ugly that needs to be transformed? There are a couple people at work who I don’t really like. I can cover that up, and get along with them, for the most part, but sometimes my frustration towards them comes out. I don’t want to try to hide this. I don’t want to try to be nice. I don’t want to pretend. I want to be transformed. I want to love them as God loves them. I don’t know how this transformation will happen, but I know that I am not capable of bringing it about by myself, so I pray that God will change me. But I am afraid that first it might get ugly.