Carest Thou Not That We Perish?

When I was a missionary, I experienced some anxiety.  Not just some anxiety, the worst anxiety of my life.  It got to the point where I was crying multiple times a day, terrified to leave the house where I was staying.  Through this time, I had an amazing companion who held me when I cried and reminded me how to breathe.  Her support was amazing, but I never got better.  I was just looking over a hymn I contemplated during that time, "Master the Tempest Is Raging."  Then and now I can relate to lot of the feelings attributed to the disciples of Jesus as they were tossed in the storm.  The tempest of covid, the rising wave, growing bigger, coming closer, "Carest thou not [Jason Kenney] that we perish? How canst thou lie asleep When each moment so madly is threat'ning A grave in the angry deep?" The song calls out, to some powerful other, to act, to change the situation, to speak and be obeyed.  The song trusts that the will of the almighty is peace and stillness.  And yet, the disciple, I, continue to cry out as if not heard over the raging storm.  "Master with anguish of spirit I bow in my grief today. The depths of my sad heart are troubled. Oh, waken and save I pray!  Torrents of sin and of anguish Sweep o'er my sinking soul, And I perish! I perish! dear Master. Oh hasten and take control!"  While  the song continues to a place of rest on a blissful shore, no matter how much I cried out, that promised shore remained a frail hope.  The third verse of the song too quickly turned positive that I couldn't quite believe it possible.  Though I wish now that those in charge would take stronger actions to prevent the third wave from rising ever higher and crashing down on us, I am left feeling insignificant.  Nobody is listening to me.  The peace and calm of a post covid world are beyond my grasp and past a daunting third wave.  I see only the wave.  It blocks both the sun and any hope from my view.  How long must I wait?  How much longer?  I thought 2021 was the year. 

As a missionary, I too waited for the end to come.  Then, after I'd been a missionary for about a year, my anxiety began to go away.  Never completely, but the impending doom was lifted, and the sunshine no longer obscured.  There were some situational changes that were beyond my control, but those weren't the reason I could see the sun.  At some point I realised that happiness was a choice, it was a mood I could choose, and I didn't have to wait for God to change the circumstances.  I didn't have to wait until I went home.  I could find happiness where I was.  It worked.  My attitude changed because I decided it would change.  I sang.  I sang happy songs, not song about some distant hope nor pie in the sky, but songs about goodness on earth, now.  I sang:

"In a world where sorrow

Ever will be known,

Where are found the needy

And the sad and lone,

How much joy and comfort

You can all bestow,

If you scatter sunshine

Ev’rywhere you go."

 Rather than waiting for happiness to find me, rather than trusting some other being to rid me of anxiety, I took that decision into my own hands.  I wonder if I can't do that today.  Sometimes I feel that I have a right be be upset.  I have a right to be anxious as I am often in close contact with others at work.  I have a right to blame to government for letting people die, for keeping my workplace open.  I have a right to worry about the health of those I love.  I have the right to be grumpy when I start work early.  I have the right to be miserable.  So, maybe I do, but what good does any of that do me, or those around me?  I may have a right to be anxious, but what if I can choose to be happy?  I know it isn't easy, but I've done it before, so I trust that it is possible.  With some counselling, with constant little choices to see good in the world around me, with a smile on my face and thanksgiving in my heart, it is possible.

"When the days are gloomy,

Sing some happy song;

Meet the world’s repining

With a courage strong.

Go with faith undaunted

Thru the ills of life;

Scatter smiles and sunshine

O’er its toil and strife."

* Master the Tempest Is Raging: Text: Mary Ann Baker

** Scatter Sunshine: Text: Lanta Wilson Smith 

Thanksgiving (1001-1400)

1. Thankful for my wife. 
2. I am thankful for her persistence. 
3. For her understanding. 
4. For her compassion. 
5. For her love. 
6. I am thankful we found each other. 
7. I am thankful for the counsellor I saw, B. 
8. Thankful he didn't believe in conversion therapy, even if I wanted to. 
9. Thankful for the ways he helped me deal with anxiety. 
10. The ways he helped me accept myself. 
11. His ability to understand my situation better than I could. 
12. His willingness to help me. 
13. His openness. 
14. I am thankful for my counsellor K.
15. For her excitement about my relationship with SJ. 
16. For her desire to get to the root cause of issues. 
17. For her kindness. 
18. For her acceptance. 
19. For her friendliness. 
20. I am grateful that I had the chance to sub in the evenings. 
21. For the students I was able to teach. 
22. For my motivation to plan. 
23. For the structure I brought in the classroom. 
24. For the student who thanked me for my passion. 
25. For the willingness of the students to participate. 
26. For the chance to connect more with my coworker L. 
27. The way she asked me about my wife. 
28. ESL go fish style games. 
29. My students who threw a birthday party for me. 
30. Yummy cake that they bought. 
31. The card they gave me. 
32. Dancing together with them. 
33. Music. 
34. Thankful for our friends A and A. 
35. Thankful that we can be ourselves around them. 
36. Thankful they like board games. 
37. And word games. 
38. And that they came over to play games with us. 
39. And for their Mexican party. 
40. The piñata. 
41. The new people I met. 
42. Friendly conversations. 
43. The ability to believe that gay relationships can last. 
44. For my coworkers. 
45. Interesting conversations in the staff room. 
46. Daily crossword puzzles. 
47. Comparing answers with my coworker F. 
48. Messages from my niece. 
49. I am thankful for Duolingo. 
50. I am thankful my Spanish is slowly improving. 
51. I am thankful that the bus stopped to pick me up. 
52. I am thankful for the sunshine helping my tomato plants to grow.
53. For rain. 
54. I am thankful for friends that help me learn Spanish. 
55. For my job. 
56. For the community of coworkers.   
57. For my desire to do well. 
58. That this job is less stressful than jobs in the past. 
59. That different is beautiful. 
60. That I could talk to my students about harassment. 
61. For Canadian rules against harassment. 
62. That my students think I'm kind. 
63. Bubble tea. 
64. Teaching ideas that come from subbing. 
65. SJ's skills. 
66. That people at work miss her. 
67. That other people recognize her value too. 
68. Stat holidays. 
69. My sister's church. 
70. The way they cared for her family. 
71. The meals they provided. 
72. The familiar songs they sang. 
73. My nephew's birthday party. 
74. His friends. 
75. My nieces birthday party. 
76. That I get new nieces now that I married SJ. 
77. That one called me her aunt. 
78. That I get new nephews too. 
79. For SJ's parents. 
80. The way they adopt me. 
81. The way they care about us. 
82. The remedies they send us. 
83. Their concern for our health. 
84. When SJ and I have a chance just to cuddle and talk. 
85. Our inside jokes. 
86. Our mutual friends. 
87. Cookies from our neighbours. 
88. Silly phone games. 
89. Cultures. 
90. Friendly interaction with man at bus stop. 
91. That I didn't give him misleading information. 
92. That he didn't hit on me. 
93. Thankful that I could drive safely during the wind storm. 
94. Thankful that I don't drink and drive.
95. Thankful for bunny rabbits. 
96. And birds. 
97. And toilets. 
98. And shoes. 
99. And my student who likes purple. 
100. I am thankful it is possible to learn new languages. 
101. I'm thankful for the LDS chapel where I've spent most of my time. 
102. For its location. 
103. For its familiarity. 
104. For the community space. 
105. The opportunity to be there tonight with SJ's family. 
106. That I met my friend G there. 
107. And that I met SJ there. 
108. That the chance to talk with R there tonight. 
109. His patience. 
110. His willingness to allow me to practice my Spanish. 
111. The way it reminded me of the first time I met SJ.
112. L's smile. 
113. Her singing. 
114. Her dancing. 
115. Her family's generosity. 
116. Tres leches cake. 
117. Tao - leftover food. 
118. Lots of plums. 
119. Lettuce. 
120. Jello. 
121. Tasty meat. 
122. Yummy pasta. 
123. Days off. 
124. Free parking. 
125. Translation services. 
126. My car that keeps going. 
127. The chance to see my sister again before she moves north. 
128. Story time with my niece L. 
129. Her interest in my life. 
130. The power of stories. 
131. Crazy Canadian weather. 
132. Sushi. 
133. Ramen. 
134. The generosity of my sisters. 
135. Fresh raspberries. 
136. Fresh strawberries. 
137. The short, but capable growing season. 
138. My wife who calms me when I feel anxious. 
139. Charades!
140. The happy memories of playing charades. 
141. Beavers. 
142. Smart board to use in my level one classroom today. 
143. Opportunities to work with youth. 
144. Police check. 
145. An understanding of my feelings. 
146. Students who stick up for me.
147. Cucumbers
148. Pain ends. 
149. My understanding of residential schools. 
150. I'm thankful when we can admit we did wrong. 
151. And that change is possible. 
152. I'm thankful for forgiveness. 
153. That cultures can adapt and grow. 
154. The time I spent at the university. 
155. Challenging professors. 
156. Both the professors who challenged me, and for the times I challenged them. 
157. Lakes and beaches. 
158. SJ's family. 
159. The time I got to spend with them. 
160. That they got to meet my mom. 
161. Spontaneous lesson plans. 
162. Sleep
163. Rainbows in the sky. 
164. Rainbows in malls. 
165. Rainbows on clothing. 
166. My so very supportive wife. 
167. The way she looks after me and understands me. 
168. Every time I drive my car, and it doesn't break. 
169. Warm weather. 
170. Air conditioning. 
171. That SJ's bone doesn't hurt. 
172. Our bodies' ability to heal. 
173. My bank. 
174. Online banking. 
175. Mosaic mentality. 
176. People who feel welcome. 
177. Coworkers. 
178. That my job is with adults. 
179. My bed. 
180. The woman who shares my bed. 
181. Cuddling at night. 
182. My name.
183. Thankful I know my way around the university. 
184. Grateful for my writing class. 
185. Grateful for my philosophy class. 
186. Thankful for generous lawyers who notarize for free. 
187. Thankful for friendly neighbours who give us free veggies. 
188. Thankful for gardens. 
189. Thankful for our growing season. 
190. Thankful for a positive chat with the neighbour upstairs. 
191. Thankful for field trips. 
192. Thankful that PR stuff is almost ready to send.
193. Photos we took. 
194. Friends we have. 
195. Home baked cookies. 
196. Sharing with our neighbours. 
197. Gardening with our neighbours. 
198. Field trips to city hall. 
199. Flexibility. 
200. Ideas for teaching. 
201. A reusable water bottle. 
202. General peace in my neighbourhood. 
203. SJ's recovery. 
204. Her ability to walk a little. 
205. The chance to say goodbye to her family. 
206. The acceptance from her family of our relationship. 
207. Healthy meals. 
208. Flowing water. 
209. Ability to wake up. 
210. Our nap yesterday. 
211. Government funding for projects. 
212. My friend J. 
213. His flexibility and willingness to be my friend even though sometimes I am distant. 
214. Birthdays, as an excuse to catch up with people. 
215. Innovation of my coworkers. 
216. Creative looking buildings in Calgary. 
217. Daily free newspapers. 
218. Happy news. 
219. The coming end of the semester. 
220. Lazy days. 
221. Teen volunteer at work. 
222. Playing games with kids. 
223. Going outside for work. 
224. Running yesterday, even it is almost killed me. 
225. Sore muscles. That means I have muscles. 
226. B and T and that they came to visit. 
227. Our discussion about church together. 
228. B's willingness to help us out. 
229. PR paper work that is almost done!
230. Naps. 
231. Humanity
232. Safety
233. Home. 
234. A place to go home where my girl is waiting for me. 
235. That my doctor's appointment tomorrow is cancelled. 
236. My doctor. 
237. That after running, I caught the bus. 
238. I got a seat on the bus. 
239. Games to play with my students. 
240. The end of the semester is near. 
241. Ideas. 
242. Potluck
243. Eavesdropping. 
244. I am thankful to know about my schedule for next year. 
245. Thankful that I can apply for new jobs. 
246. Job interviews. 
247. Police who volunteer for me. 
248. Canada's position against domestic violence. 
249. Homophobia becoming less socially acceptable 
250. Friendly people 
251. Interesting games
252. The competition in my class today. 
253. That I could invite teacher M to join our class game. 
254. Time to work on my course today. 
255. Ice cream and pie. 
256. Apples from apple trees. 
257. Fruit that grows in Canada. 
258. Friendly neighbours who share. 
259. I am thankful to have hope for better tenants upstairs. 
260. Summer that feels like summer. 
261. That SJ can walk a bit. 
262. Recovery is possible. 
263. Similar experiences that I can share with my friend J when she is feeling depressed. 
264. The place I worked when I worked for a catering company. 
265. My mini tomato that is growing on my tomato plant. 
266. Student conferences are done. 
267. Students who passed. 
268. Students who will benefit from repeating. 
269. Students who are thankful. 
270. Students who are thankful regardless of their marks. 
271. Candy from coworkers. 
272. Commitment from the CLB 1 class. 
273. Freedom of religion. 
274. Freedom of speech. 
275. Freedom to gather. 
276. Freedom to not be discriminated against. 
277. That I don't need to live with fear in my life. (Even if I am still anxious)
278. Festivals. 
279. Shakespeare for free. 
280. Free festivals. 
281. Reasons to leave the house. 
282. The way SJ holds me and loves me when I cry. 
283. The peace I feel with her. 
284. The safety I have to explore my emotions when I am with her. 
285. I am thankful for libraries. 
286. I am thankful for books 
287. That I can read. 
288. The fast train. 
289. Feminine hygiene options. 
290. Pride in Calgary. 
291. Friends to play games with. 
292. An ability to help new people. 
293. The ability and free time to help friends. 
294. Sleep. 
295. Teaching students. 
296. New neighbours. 
297. The old neighbours are gone. 
298. Every tomato on my tomato plants, I've counted 11!
299. Lunch break. 
300. People who support the LGBTQ community. 
301. Thankful for my knowledge of Spanish. 
302. Por una otra iglesia. 
303. Por la conversión con mis vecinos. 
304. Por los estudiantes quienes hablan español. 
305. Por el sol. 
306. Por muchas horas de trabajo. 
307. Por perros calmas. 
308. Por comida. 
309. Por mi doctora. 
310. Pos los medicinas. 
311. Por yoga. 
312. Por mi cama. 
313. Por la tiempos yo siento tranquila. 
314. Por mi esposa y su trabajo en mi trabajar. 
315. Por mi nuevo amigo De la Iglesia. 
316. Por libros yo puedo leer. 
317. Por libros en español. 
318. Por libros para niños. 
319. Por la paciencia de mi esposa. 
320. Por niños. 
321. I am thankful that I didn't just witness an accident (even if I saw some crazy driving)
322. For the food bank. 
323. For the time I got to spend outside today. 
324. That I don't have to drive. 
325. For Mexican stores 
326. Por flores de Jamaica. 
327. Por bibliotecas. 
328. Por más motivación ser vegana. 
329. Por todo la comida en mi casa. 
330. Por qué you puedo hacer comida. 
331. Manzanas de Canadá. 
332. Toda la fruta de Canadá. 
333. Por la endurece de mi esposa. 
334. Por la cabello de mi esposa. 
335. Por su corte de pelo. 
336. Por siestas. 
337. Yo puedo hacer pie de manzana. 
338. Y por helados. 
339. Y roles de canela. 
340. I'm thankful for my new class. 
341. I'm thankful that my coworker keeps asking me to sub. 
342. I am thankful I grew up speaking English. 
343. I am thankful I continue to learn and understand English. 
344. For my ability to teach the language. 
345. That I began writing again. 
346. That the sun shone on my tomato plants today. 
347. The nearly full moon. 
348. Democracy. 
349. The chance I will have to vote. 
350. Freedom to have opinions. 
351. Generous people. 
352. The courage I've gained through many experiences and much practice to talk with strangers. 
353. That I am going home to my wife. 
354. Productivity today. 
355. That my wife has a great relationship with her parents. 
356. For my friend B. 
357. For her honesty. 
358. And her willingness to be my friend regardless of my choices.
359. For her husband T. 
360. For his kindness. 
361. For their hard work. 
362. And their example. 
363. I am grateful for the body's ability to heal. 
364. That my wife can walk. 
365. That she is improving every day. 
366. For healthy habits we can have. 
367. For yoga. 
368. The way yoga helps me feel less anxious. 
369. Stories from Bolivia. 
370. Cookbook from Bolivia. 
371. Happy reminders of my dad. 
372. Happy dreams. 
373. The courage of my niece J. 
374. The happiness of my niece L. 
375. And her thoughtfulness. 
376. The helpfulness of my nephew G. 
377. The love of my niece M. 
378. And the easygoingness of my niece A. 
379. I am grateful that my mom can be in a happy relationship again. 
380. I am grateful for V's kindness. 
381. His ability to play guitar. 
382. His gentleness. 
383. The way he plays with my nieces and nephew. 
384. His adventurous spirit. 
385. The respect he has. 
386. That he is hard working. 
387. And he kayaks. 
388. And bikes. 
389. And camps. 
390. And cooks. 
391. And brings joy into my mom's life. 
392. That he has travelled 
393. And has many stories to share. 
394. That he loves to learn 
395. And discover new things. 
396. That he cares for his mom
397. And for my mom. 
398. That he is easygoing 
399. Kind 
400. Accepting. 

(790-1000) Almost half way there

1. Thankful for a walk today with SJ
2. Thankful for afternoon naps
3. Thankful that I like to write. 
4. For inspiration to apply for jobs. 
5. For my place of employment. 
6. For the email from my boss congratulating me that I am getting married. 
7. A new friend to welcome us at a new church. 
8. Music
9. Seeds that are growing. 
10. Perseverance in making this list. 
11. The three sisters. 
12. Dads who hold their child's hand. 
13. The chance to do life with a partner. 
14. SJ's caring nature. 
15. SJ's dedication to me. 
16. Mutual commitment. 
17. A couch to sit on. 
18. Friends who care about me. 
19. The game boggle. 
20. The game catch phrase 
21. Playing games with SJ. 
22. Talking with SJ. 
23. A bed to sleep in. 
24. The moments when I have energy. 
25. Trees with impressive roots. 
26. Trees that grow on mountains. 
27. Trees that grow fruits. 
28. That I have a stomach. 
29. A small intestine. 
30. A large intestine. 
31. The moments when those organs don't cause me pain. 
32. Church organs
33. I am thankful we got a free frisbee. 
34. We played frisbee today. 
35. We went for a run today. 
36. For every activity I do with Sandra. 
37. Mexican food that we can make at home. 
38. Exercise. 
39. Stash of cookies. 
40. Bedtime. 
41. Green spaces. 
42. Hill from which we could watch the airplanes land. 
43. Airplanes
44. Our new friend C. 
45. Friends who are happy for me. 
46. I am getting married next week!
47. My boss.  
48. I'm thankful that I can kiss my girlfriend in public. 
49. Support from my family. 
50. Pretty buildings. 
51. Positive public spaces. 
52. That I could take my class outside today. 
53. Sunshine. 
54. G and his truck and his willingness to help us. 
55. I am grateful that my fear about my neighbours is mostly irrational. 
56. Bridges downtown. 
57. Safety. 
58. Journaling. 
59. Pancakes with chocolate chips in them. 
60. Dark chocolate chips. 
61. Sharing with SJ
62. Dark chocolate that my coworker shared with me. 
63. My friend E's haircutting ability. 
64. My new haircut. 
65. The day off today. 
66. Good news from the landlord. 
67. People willing to help out for my wedding 
68. I'm thankful SJ has legs!
69. I'm thankful people at work know we are getting married. 
70. When people offer congratulations!
71. When people are happy for us  
72. When people feel they can relate to us. 
73. For my friends K and R who could come visit us. 
74. For the river. 
75. For flood preventions. 
76. For art. 
77. For the happy time we had longboarding. 
78. For our friendly neighbours C and M. 
79. That they came in our house to help us sort out problems. 
80. Fire alarms. 
81. My car. 
82. Proximity of our house to where we were longboarding. 
83. SJ's humour. 
84. Her willingness to laugh about hard situations. 
85. That we bought health insurance. 
86. The really friendly insurance person who spoke on the phone with me. 
87. Her excitement about our upcoming wedding. 
88. Her sadness about what had happened. 
89. The volunteer in the ER
90. The friendly security guard and peace officer who let me park illegally. 
91. I am thankful for breath. 
92. I am thankful for SJ's breath. 
93. I am thankful for friendly nurses, particularly one from NS. 
94. The doctor who set SJ's leg. 
95. My credit card to pay upfront.  
96. The comfy chair they brought for me to sleep in. 
97. Cookies. 
98. Doctors who understand budgets. 
99. Doctors who understand timeframes. 
100. Hospital staff who are excited about our wedding. 
101. Doctors who suggest affordable follow up plans. 
102. Interesting books. 
103. Lullabies that I can sing to SJ. 
104. A family that cares. 
105. Food in hospitals. 
106. Bones that can heal. 
107. Surgery that can help bones heal properly. 
108. Reusable containers. 
109. Reusable water bottles. 
110. Friendly staff. 
111. Places to fill up my water bottle. 
112. Every time we get to tell someone that we are getting married. 
113. I'm thankful for the sun and the rain and the sun and the rain. 
114. I'm thankful for warmed blankets in the hospital. 
115. I'm thankful for Canadian healthcare coverage. 
116. I'm thankful that hospitals don't need to be perfect or beautiful in order to be functional. 
117. I'm thankful for increased accessibility for those with low mobility. 
118. People who choose to be friendly even though they are going through difficulties of their own. 
119. Windows. 
120. Sleep!
121. My quiet house. 
122. Interesting stories one gets to overhear in the ER. 
123. My first aid training. 
124. An understanding and amazing fiancée. 
125. Work. 
126. New hair product. 
127. The ability to accomplish goals. 
128. Crutches
129. Wheelchairs
130. For our wedding!
131. For G and J and J who were able to come. 
132. For B. I felt like she was my maid of honour. I was so glad she was there with T. 
133. For G and his willingness to film the wedding. 
134. For J, the photos he took, and that he and my sister brought my nieces and nephew. 
135. For K, and her lovely speech and that she was there with her family. 
136. For Mom and V, and their willingness to pick up the cake, flowers and sandwiches for us. 
137. For our marriage commissioner P, and her kindness. 
138. We are married!!
139. I'm thankful for our honeymoon in Edmonton. I know many think it is not the most exciting place, but it was perfect for us. 
140. That SJ made me plan my lesson today. 
141. My lesson today. 
142. Building relationships with students. 
143. Students who smile and laugh. 
144. I am thankful for all my tomato plants. 
145. My happy friends. 
146. Lesbians who find love. 
147. My doctor and her advice. 
148. The large number of tests that can be done to determine health. 
149. Thunderstorms. 
150. Boggle. 
151. Planting tomatoes. 
152. Making cookies. 
153. Being in love. 
154. Being committed one person.
155. I'm thankful for SJ's mom. 
156. For her love
157. For her support. 
158. For the communication we have with her. 
159. For her care and concern. 
160. For new students who bring energy into the class. 
161. Afternoon naps. 
162. Bed. 
163. The game hear me out. 
164. Games I can play with my students. 
165. Sunshine in the morning. 
166. Dreams that remind me that distracted driving is bad. 
167. Fiddler on the roof. 
168. I am thankful for the soundtrack of that musical. 
169. For the discussion on traditions and non-traditional marriage. 
170. I'm thankful I have many days to work, and I am thankful for every day I have off. 
171. I am thankful for the RAM. 
172. I am thankful for my coworker L. 
173. For her acceptance even though she has little understanding. 
174. For her teaching methods. 
175. For the way she taught and encouraged my students. 
176. For our conversations. 
177. For the chance I have to see her more, now that I am subbing. 
178. I am thankful for my coworker B. 
179. Thankful for her helpfulness. 
180. Her smile. 
181. Her knowledge. 
182. Her presence. 
183. Thankful for my coworker S. 
184. The way she helps me feel welcome. 
185. The candies on her desk. 
186. Her smile. 
187. I'm thankful for crossword puzzles. 
188. Thankful I can discuss them with my coworker F. 
189. Thankful she asked to see wedding pictures. 
190. Thankful when people treat our marriage like the would any other marriage. 
191. Thankful we are working on our PR stuff together. 
192. For free printing at the library. 
193. For the Spanish I can learn little by little. 
194. For every culture I learn about as I interact with my students. 
195. For how much SJ loves me. 
196. For how understanding she is. 
197. How she wants to know what I am going through. 
198. Her sincere questions. 
199. The way she listens to me.
200. The way she values me. 
201. Her desire to make me happy. 
202. I am thankful when she is happy. 
203. I am thankful that I have my library card number memorized. 
204. For the time I spent in England. 
205. For the time I spent in Wales. 
206. For the beauty of Wales. 
207. For green hills and sheep. 
208. For my wife who is dedicated to taking care of the house. 
209. For doctors in my family who can offer advice. 
210. For my grandparents card for our wedding, even though they did not come. 
211. For the gifts and money people gave us for our wedding.