On a Little Mermaid Note... I changed some lyrics.

 Look at this stuff 

Isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?

Wouldn't think i'm the girl,

The girl who has everything?

Look at this room

Treasures untold

How many wonders can one hotel hold?

Lookin' around here you'd think,

Sure, she's got everything !

I've got free meals and coffee’s of plenty

I've got channels and service galore.

(Spoken:) You want cutlery?

I got twenty!

but who cares?

No big deal,

I want more!

I wanna be where the people are

I wanna see,

Wanna see 'em dancing

Walking around on those

(Whadaya call 'em)

Oh, feet!

Going in circles you don't get to far

Bikes, are required for rolling, cycilng

Strolling along down a...

(What's that word again)

Street!

Out where they walk

Out where they run

Out where they stay all day in the sun

Wonderin' free

Wish I could be

Part of that world!

What would I give, 

If i could live

Outta this hotel

What would I pay,

To spend a day

holding the hand

my wife’s hand 

She'd understand,

Bet she don't let me go again

She’s my woman 

Sicka sittin'

Ready to stand

And ready ‘member what I useta know

Ask her my questions

and get some answers

What's a job?

And what does it...

(what's the word?)

Earn!

When's it my turn?

wouldn't I love

Love to explore with my wife my love!

Outta the room

Wish I could roam 

All of that World!

Isolation Hotel - The Third Morning

 I promised a more interesting day yesterday.

First, I covered the desk with the large paper bags that the food comes in, so I can paint!

Then, I did some painting, and had lunch on the balcony:

 The lunch, vegetarian rice bowl, didn't have much flavour.  

Then I went for my COVID test.  Are these trees new?

The line was very long.  I think I waited about 40 minutes in my car, only to be jabbed in the back of the throat with a swab...  I know, they are just doing their job.  That's what I signed up for...  Still doesn't make it pleasant.  On the way back to the hotel, I passed a group of people protesting the new restriction, one wearing a shirt which read, "Jesus is my vaccination." 

Painting:

When I woke up this morning, I had a message on my phone: COVID test = Negative!  Yay!

I am hoping that means I get to go home soon!  But, just like getting here, leaving is a multistep process.  First I called 811, they can submit a change to my prison release date, and then I will be free to go...  once I pack everything up. 

Breakfast this morning, scrambled eggs:

Again, the menu promised mushrooms...  I was looking forward to the mushrooms.  I suspect the quality of food preparation decreases when individuals are not paying for their food, and have no interactions with the cooks.  Well, I am trying not to be too picky, and as nice as it is to have someone cook for me, and not worry about washing dishes, I am looking forward to going home and making my own food.  The only food I've really enjoyed since being here was the vegetarian lasagna, which I ordered again for lunch today.  I wonder if I'll get it before I leave?

I'd like to thank Little Mermaid for teaching me the true purpose of a dinglehopper.  I forgot my comb, but the hotel kindly provided me a dinglehopper with each meal.  

Well, I guess it is time to start packing! 

Isolation Hotel - The Second Morning

 It has occurred to me that if I am going to blog about my isolation hotel experience every day, that I'd better start doing something interesting!  I spent yesterday surfing the web, sleeping, exercising and  then planning for and then teaching my online class.  Not wanting my students to think I was in a bedroom, I turned around the desk (do you know how heavy hotel furniture is?  like 300 pounds!) so that behind my head was nothing more than a wall.  It was the first class of this semester, and I wanted to appear at least a little professional.  I changed my top and started class on time.  

Well, that's it.  I'll try my best to do something a little more exciting today.

Yesterday's lunch, vegetarian lasagna and salad:

Isolation Hotel - The First Morning

 Before we talk about this morning, let's talk about how I landed a free hotel stay at the expense of the government.  Not to get too political, but perhaps part of me blames the government for letting covid get so out of control while keeping my workplace open.  It seemed like only a matter of time before there'd be a case, and once one, many.  Well, the news came as I was at work yesterday, just one case, so far.  My nose suddenly felt a little stuffy, and my anxiety rose.  I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to get my wife sick. I sat in the car, outside our house and called her.  We weren't sure what to do.  We made the short term plan that I would hang out in the laundry room.  She left me some food, and also some seeds which I planted outside.  I looked up the hotel stay program, and decided I'd go with that option, if they'd have me.  I worried I wasn't sick enough, and I hadn't actually been considered a close contact to the case at work, not yet.  I called 211, they asked my if I had my own bedroom and bathroom.  I don't.  They told me I'd receive a call from Alberta Health.  A couple hours later I received the call and was asked even more questions about my health, my location and my diet.  I was told they would submit the referral to the Alberta government for approval, and to see if there were spaces.  Again I had to wait.  I was told the wait could be up to 24 hours.  At that point, my wife and I started talking about what we'd do for the night.  It was decided that I could take the bedroom, and she'd take the living room.  Not too long after that, I got the call from "the government," saying they had a hotel for me to stay in.  Then I had to begin packing.  What do you take when you are going to live in a hotel for 7-14 days with no chance of escape?

Now I'm here, floor nine, and it's morning, the sun shining in the window, over the balcony.  It is a hotel room like any other, a bed with white sheets, a bunch of lamps, a large TV, a little desk and a mini fridge.  Of course the bathroom is filled with little bottles of mouthwash and hand sanitizer and the like.  I don't think I'll need the hand sanitizer here, so I guess I get to take it home, like a little souvenir.  

Every day I get to order my food for the next day.  I circle my choices on a menu, and leave in outside my door. This morning I watched through the peephole as the food was delivered in large brown paper bags to each of the rooms.  There were a lot of bags of food, I guess I am not the only one staying in this hotel.  

For now I'd better enjoy the novelty of staying here, before I realised just how small this room is, and how utterly trapped I am.  

Today's Breakfast:  The menu promised chia seeds on the granola.  I don't see any chia seeds!  I want my money back...  oh wait, I didn't pay for it.

  

Carest Thou Not That We Perish?

When I was a missionary, I experienced some anxiety.  Not just some anxiety, the worst anxiety of my life.  It got to the point where I was crying multiple times a day, terrified to leave the house where I was staying.  Through this time, I had an amazing companion who held me when I cried and reminded me how to breathe.  Her support was amazing, but I never got better.  I was just looking over a hymn I contemplated during that time, "Master the Tempest Is Raging."  Then and now I can relate to lot of the feelings attributed to the disciples of Jesus as they were tossed in the storm.  The tempest of covid, the rising wave, growing bigger, coming closer, "Carest thou not [Jason Kenney] that we perish? How canst thou lie asleep When each moment so madly is threat'ning A grave in the angry deep?" The song calls out, to some powerful other, to act, to change the situation, to speak and be obeyed.  The song trusts that the will of the almighty is peace and stillness.  And yet, the disciple, I, continue to cry out as if not heard over the raging storm.  "Master with anguish of spirit I bow in my grief today. The depths of my sad heart are troubled. Oh, waken and save I pray!  Torrents of sin and of anguish Sweep o'er my sinking soul, And I perish! I perish! dear Master. Oh hasten and take control!"  While  the song continues to a place of rest on a blissful shore, no matter how much I cried out, that promised shore remained a frail hope.  The third verse of the song too quickly turned positive that I couldn't quite believe it possible.  Though I wish now that those in charge would take stronger actions to prevent the third wave from rising ever higher and crashing down on us, I am left feeling insignificant.  Nobody is listening to me.  The peace and calm of a post covid world are beyond my grasp and past a daunting third wave.  I see only the wave.  It blocks both the sun and any hope from my view.  How long must I wait?  How much longer?  I thought 2021 was the year. 

As a missionary, I too waited for the end to come.  Then, after I'd been a missionary for about a year, my anxiety began to go away.  Never completely, but the impending doom was lifted, and the sunshine no longer obscured.  There were some situational changes that were beyond my control, but those weren't the reason I could see the sun.  At some point I realised that happiness was a choice, it was a mood I could choose, and I didn't have to wait for God to change the circumstances.  I didn't have to wait until I went home.  I could find happiness where I was.  It worked.  My attitude changed because I decided it would change.  I sang.  I sang happy songs, not song about some distant hope nor pie in the sky, but songs about goodness on earth, now.  I sang:

"In a world where sorrow

Ever will be known,

Where are found the needy

And the sad and lone,

How much joy and comfort

You can all bestow,

If you scatter sunshine

Ev’rywhere you go."

 Rather than waiting for happiness to find me, rather than trusting some other being to rid me of anxiety, I took that decision into my own hands.  I wonder if I can't do that today.  Sometimes I feel that I have a right be be upset.  I have a right to be anxious as I am often in close contact with others at work.  I have a right to blame to government for letting people die, for keeping my workplace open.  I have a right to worry about the health of those I love.  I have the right to be grumpy when I start work early.  I have the right to be miserable.  So, maybe I do, but what good does any of that do me, or those around me?  I may have a right to be anxious, but what if I can choose to be happy?  I know it isn't easy, but I've done it before, so I trust that it is possible.  With some counselling, with constant little choices to see good in the world around me, with a smile on my face and thanksgiving in my heart, it is possible.

"When the days are gloomy,

Sing some happy song;

Meet the world’s repining

With a courage strong.

Go with faith undaunted

Thru the ills of life;

Scatter smiles and sunshine

O’er its toil and strife."

* Master the Tempest Is Raging: Text: Mary Ann Baker

** Scatter Sunshine: Text: Lanta Wilson Smith 

Some Nights

"Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change." - Some Nights - fun.

There have been many benefits of working online, of isolating and staying home.  In general, I like down time, I like my garden, I've enjoyed biking.  While like most of us, I wish I could be a little more disciplined with my time, I can't really complain about the change of pace that's taken place over the past five months.  Of course I wish the cause away, but I am doing fine, or at least I thought I was doing fine.

Spending five months living in fear has taken its toll on me, throw in a bit of pre-existing social anxiety, the past five months have felt very isolating.  I flip-flop between wanting to stay at home with just my wife, to desiring social interaction.  When I want to spend time with friends, I suddenly don't know how.  All the social skills I've taught myself over the years are failing me.  I don't know if it is okay to hang out with people, I'm not sure if I want to get too close, and I don't know how they feel about getting close to me.  The people open to hanging out with others, are the ones I am more afraid of being with.  So, I don't hang out with anyone. 

We are encouraged to socialise using our phone or an app.  This is even more difficult for me.  It always has been.  So, I'm a little lonely, a little anxious.  I am so grateful for my wife who suffers with me, holds me when I am anxious, and also misses socialising with people.  We're trying to figure this out, but I'm not sure if we're getting anywhere.