Wednesday, 21 April 2010

The Attention Seeker I Know all to Well.

She sits there silently as though she is not listening to what you say, but she hears every word. You next conclude that she is indifferent to the topic, but really she knows time is short, and she figures that there be more important things to discuss then her thoughts, but there is a lot that she wants to share.
The talk goes back and forth and she is not going to compete to be heard, but she wishes someone cared enough to ask her opinion. Actually, before she feels good attending to the agenda she wishes that someone would attend to her heart. The brokenness feels overwhelming, even though really nothing is wrong. She just wants to be heard. She wants to be cared about. She wants someone to listen with genuine interest and show her that what she has to say matters. But she has been let down far too many times, and it hurts too much to try again and face the possible interruption. So she is quiet. She sinks deeper into the couch and writes her thoughts down on a paper. At least the paper will not interrupt her.
I don’t know what her problem is. She has experienced over and over that if she expects too much from people, that they will just disappoint her, yet something has her hoping that maybe this time it will be different. It never is. She knows that there is one who cares for her unconditionally. He is always there for her, always. He is eager to hear what she is going through. His longing for the communication is deeper than any longing she has ever had. His love for her is deep, far deeper than any of the hurts she has ever felt. And she knows all of this, yet when the pain comes she doesn’t go to him. She hopes someone else will hear her story; she wants to find someone else who will listen eagerly to what is going on. Somehow his attention is never enough for her, until she is worn out from facing rejection all day and she crawls to his feet. Whatever the pain was in the morning no longer matters, she comes to tell him that the rejection has caused more pain then she can bear. While she left hoping to find someone who had time to care and offer comfort, she found the world in as much need as herself. Everyone is searching; everyone is hungry for attention and too busy with their own problems to worry about her. They scream “look at me. Who do I have to be to get you to see what is here? If I must act, or make up a fact, I will do it is I know your listening will be sincere.” So, on they go. Acting, and only listening if they think it will mean that they in turn will be heard, but he is there. He is waiting and listening. He is waiting for her, to crawl into his arms and share with him her pain. He wants to hear about the small things that go on which bother her so much. He cares about that. And he won’t get distracted, and his cell phone won’t ring. His time isn’t scheduled, his listening is genuine and he will never leave her. He literally has all day. She just must believe that his attention is the best; indeed, it is better than all she chases after.

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