I went for another long drive with God. I felt like our conversation from yesterday had been cut short, and it needed to be finished. I am not one for driving aimlessly, but with the mountains an hour away, there is always an aim. It was pretty spontaneous, and I was pretty set on it. I didn't even double check my agenda book to see if there is anything I was forgetting to do today.
I tried to figure out why I was unsatisfied. What was it that I wanted? The answer I believe is pleasure. I was trying to figure out what this "life to the full" that Christ offers really is, and I was getting quite tired of waiting for him to give it to me. I was thinking that it was about time to go look for it on my own. I've always felt like living a Christian life is not about feelings, nor is it about being happy, but I wanted to feel God near me. I wanted to be happy. Is there anything wrong with that?
I hiked up a mountain quickly, until I was sweaty and gross. I had to get to the top before the sun started going down. I didn't want to hike back in the dark. All I concluded is that God is my hope, my only hope. There is pleasure in enjoying God's creation; I love hiking. Singing kids' songs with actions while running down a mountain may not scare to cougars away, but it's a challenge and lots of fun. I don't have the answers, but I'm not about to give up anymore. I feel a lot more content than I have for a while.
Now I have to do the homework that I put off to go hiking in the daylight...