Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Stealing From a Dead Man.

I sit in my dad’s car wearing his sunglasses and sweater and listening to his music.  It doesn’t seem right.  Why should I benefit from his death?  When I tell people that I have my dad’s car they tell me that I am lucky.  But I don’t feel lucky.  I’d rather have my dad. The government is giving me $200ish a month for the next year as long as I stay in school.  Again, it doesn’t seem right that I should gain from this loss.  My dad can’t be paid for.  It isn’t like if you give me enough then it will be okay that he is gone.  He is irreplaceable. 

Somehow I think there is a connection between me benefitting from my Dad’s death and me benefitting from Jesus’ death.  In some ways I’d rather that they were both still around, but Jesus’ death played an important role.  I don’t know that I can say the same about my dad’s.

Oh, did I mention that I got life insurance money too?


  1. *hugs* That is hard, Yeti. It's hard to lose someone who you loved so much. I felt that same way after my grandma died (because truthfully she was more of a mom to me than my real mom). I'm not sure what I gained from her passing, other than understanding that we only get but a small passage of time on this earth. We need to use every moment living in accordance to our beliefs: our actions will (and how they made people feel) is what we'll be remembered for. I hope you find peace, my friend.

  2. I know this comment will be totally awkward because I don't know you and this post is a little dated, but I have to say that I really feel for you. How I stumbled upon your blog is a rather long story, but I read a couple posts and I just couldn't leave without saying something. Feel free to delete my comment :P Anyhow, I lost my grandfather right after last thanksgiving, and a few people I knew died from various accidents. It hurt, but nothing like what you're going through with your dad I'm sure. I'll be praying for you, if you don't mind <3