Sunday, 12 February 2012

running on empty

I am feeling pretty drained, and that it all areas of my life.
Mentally, I have a midterm on Tuesday that I haven’t studies for at all, philosophy reading I have not done and I haven’t done my linguistics reading yet either. I doubt I will get any of that done tomorrow either... uhoh.
Physically, I am tired. I have had mini naps today and yesterday, and really wish I was sleeping right now. But I have also easily tired when I’ve tried to do anything physical recently. I went for a pathetic run on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, but never far nor fast. Even playing soccer today and yesterday was painful. Yesterday I mostly just played goal, but even standing seemed to take too much effort, and today I had to force myself to run.
Emotionally, I don’t know. I am not much one for emotions. My roommate made me laugh yesterday, that was good, but I don’t think I really laughed today. I feel pretty apathetic. Like about school, I don't really care that I am getting behind.
Relationally, seems to take more effort than I want to give. I mean it hasn't been too bad, though I did get really tired writing a letter today. It is that I am hoping for more relationally. I long for some text or email that will somehow fulfil this longing. They never do. I want something more, but it never comes.
Spiritually, things aren’t great. Not at all. I got a fortune cookie the other day, and rather than just writing off the fortune, I tried to understand how I should apply it to my life. I am spiritually thirsty for direction, and a little too eager to take it from anywhere.
That’s all. I am tired. I should go to bed. I think I post this because I long for some connection with people, and thus hope that you will comment, but really, your comments might make me smile, but it won’t last, and I still be thirsting for something more.


  1. Hugs to you. I wish I had something more substantial to offer, and just know I'm thinking of you. <3

    1. Thanks Jen, and my week got better as it went along!

  2. I know this is very late, but I am just now reading this... I will keep you in my prayers! God bless!

  3. I'm a little late in responding, but I hope you are able to find peace in your life. I know it took quite a journey for me in the past several years, especially the past couple, but I have finally found a spiritual home in a United Methodist church where it's ok to disagree on minor points, even vocalizing it; can still be with others who feel similarly and just want to do good; receive some amazing uplifting sermons; worship is flexible in a few different formats, pick the one most in tune with how God made you; and yet, all the important fundamentals are still there. No matter where you are in life or what you decide, I hope you are able to find joy and satisfaction as well. God bless you!

    1. Thanks,

      I do have a fairly supportive Church family now, though I often do wonder "if they knew how I felt about homosexuality, or evolution..." and then tent to keep those thoughts to myself. I volunteer with the youth there, but sometimes I wonder if I don't have the answers that the parents would want me to give their kids...