Enough Information

Chapter 1

Enough Information

In the book “Enough: Breaking Free from the World of More” published in 2008, Naish talks about televisions not SmartTVs, and mobile phones, not Smartphones.  He talks about having 123 TV channels, which is nothing compares to the 37 million and counting YouTube channels in 2021,* and that’s not to mention TikTok.  While the statistics and examples in Enough are dated, takeaways are easy to apply today.  Our species has survived and thrived because of our desire to learn; however, with easy and endless access to information, we must choose which information to seek and when to say enough to information.

Let us say I want to bake some brownies.  I have the time, basic ingredients, I just need a recipe.  I choose a search engine and search.  I get about 18 million results on google, but hopefully I choose a decent option right off the bat.  I then scroll past the story which the blogger felt was necessary to include.  I am there for the recipe, not the narrative about how grandma used to make the best brownies, full of eggs, but since becoming a vegan the blogger needed to recreate the perfect recipe.  Her multiple attempts led to a plethora of brownies filling her house, and eventually the perfect brownie, the recipe which will be our reward if we can finally get there, after reading her take on the complete agricultural history of each ingredient.  Usually there is a “jump to the recipe” button near the top, causing me to bypass the intriguing story, and leaving me with enough time to make brownies.  But, when I am not looking for a recipe, Facebook, knowing I like baking, shows me endless videos of people producing all sorts of foods, most of which I’ll never make.  Perhaps I’m not actually interested in the outcome, or else I am to busy, absorbing this information to actually do anything about it.

John Naish quotes a survey completed by the Henley Centre where 70% of people said they could never have too much information, yet over 50% recognised they had more information than they could deal with (Naish, 16).  It is easy, and easily rewarding to consume information.  Gaining information is both satisfying and comforting.  The more we intake information, the less time we have to use the information productively.  Not only does interacting with info take time, it also requires energy, hard work and delayed outcomes.  In three minutes I can watch in a video someone decorate 48 cupcakes using six unique methods.  Were I to try to create the same product, it would take me hours.  Not having the time or energy, I instead watch endless videos.  Such video and infotainment are “a pleasurable yet habit-forming, mind-altering and potentially depressing substance.”  It is cheap and overly abundant, Naish says, “It’s just like alcohol” (Naish, 38).  The difference is, we don’t get hangovers, and most people haven’t learned to set boundaries around our behaviour.  While binging on information can be enjoyable, it is critical that we have limits, that we resist forming unhealthy information indulging habits.  These habits require us to decide which information we want in our lives, which information will, in fact, be useful.  We naturally acquire information.  As Naish puts it, “We are so wired to gather information that often we no longer do anything with it”  (Naish, 26).  Information overload leaves ideas hardly comprehended, and us ever more confused. Rather than pausing, we turn instead, looking for more information.  Is this like trying to cure a hangover with a shot of whiskey?  When more information leaves us more confused, perhaps it is time to say enough.  

Constant information can also lead to stress.  Reading the covid updates over and again each day can set our hearts pounding, and have our eyes peeled wide, alert, waiting to respond to this treat.  According to Naish, “Some psychologists believe the effect [of watching news] is so strong that we should limit our news-watching to only 30 minutes a day — or risk developing anxiety-related depression” (Naish, 17).  No matter the distance of the danger, watching news can have us believing the hazard is near.  Living under constant threat is exhausting, and at some point it is easier to give in to depression.  There is a very real threat that the information we take in will cause us harm.  We must say enough information before it steals our attention from the here and now, before it robs us of our ability to care for those nearest to us.  Furthermore, the effects reach broader.  Baroness Susan Greenfield worries about the use of screens by children.  She fears they will grow up to be “a nation of gullible Googlers who won’t even know how to vote responsibly” (Naish, 40).  Yikes!  13 years later, is this where we’ve ended up?  Our information comes prepackaged, often prescribed by algorithms feeding our biases, or advertisements creating desires within us.  When it comes to voting, finding accurate information is critical.  Sorting through the information from various sources is incredibly difficult.

While the information on the internet can be particularly helpful, when, for example, I need a recipe, it is littered with advertising and clickbait.  We are easily distracted from our initial purpose.  While it is easy to be wary of advertisements which are designed to  “catch your attention and make you dissatisfied with the life that you already have” (Naish, 44), they are impossible to avoid.  We stare at ads, eager to skip them, unless they are exceptionally well crafted, but perhaps the content we seek is just as quick to leave us unsatisfied, anxious, wanting or depressed.  We must control our content input and choose, at times, to disconnect.

Among the advice Naish give to disconnect is the following.  To begin with, we can budget our time, set limits to our consumption and stick to them.  Doing is easier if we choose to “be happy about the fact that [we] are deliberately choosing to miss things, because it means that [we] have a life” (Naish, 45).  Choosing to focus on the positives of limiting our information consumption enables us to abstain joyfully and purposely.  This attitude makes it easier to say enough to information.  It requires us, however, to have a life.  As we change our habits, it is beneficial to choose a new (or neglected) hobby or two.  We can also spend the time getting to know our neighbours, a practice Naish promises “extends [our] sense of home security” (Naish, 46).  Creating and fostering relationships, and learning from those near us helps us engage in local, tangible events.  This interaction is a healthy alternative to constant information consumption.  It provides a context information we do consume and gives us a rewarding activity.  We can choose to seek information from those around us.  This can be just as satisfying.

Information is ever more abundant.  We have far more information than we can ever use. This information overload causes stress, and often influences us to make worse decisions.  Even when we intentionally seek information, we are bombarded by distractions and advertisements.   Escaping from information overload is possible, but requires intentional choice.  We must curtail our natural information seeking behaviour to pursue only that information which will benefit us.  This can be accomplished as we set personal limits, engage in offline hobbies and get to know our neighbours.

*This was the best number I could find, but I have no idea if it is accurate.  The website 

contradicted itself.  https://www.tubics.com/blog/number-of-youtube-channels/

**Naish, John. Enough : Breaking Free from the World of More. London, Hachette Livre, 2008.

Carest Thou Not That We Perish?

When I was a missionary, I experienced some anxiety.  Not just some anxiety, the worst anxiety of my life.  It got to the point where I was crying multiple times a day, terrified to leave the house where I was staying.  Through this time, I had an amazing companion who held me when I cried and reminded me how to breathe.  Her support was amazing, but I never got better.  I was just looking over a hymn I contemplated during that time, "Master the Tempest Is Raging."  Then and now I can relate to lot of the feelings attributed to the disciples of Jesus as they were tossed in the storm.  The tempest of covid, the rising wave, growing bigger, coming closer, "Carest thou not [Jason Kenney] that we perish? How canst thou lie asleep When each moment so madly is threat'ning A grave in the angry deep?" The song calls out, to some powerful other, to act, to change the situation, to speak and be obeyed.  The song trusts that the will of the almighty is peace and stillness.  And yet, the disciple, I, continue to cry out as if not heard over the raging storm.  "Master with anguish of spirit I bow in my grief today. The depths of my sad heart are troubled. Oh, waken and save I pray!  Torrents of sin and of anguish Sweep o'er my sinking soul, And I perish! I perish! dear Master. Oh hasten and take control!"  While  the song continues to a place of rest on a blissful shore, no matter how much I cried out, that promised shore remained a frail hope.  The third verse of the song too quickly turned positive that I couldn't quite believe it possible.  Though I wish now that those in charge would take stronger actions to prevent the third wave from rising ever higher and crashing down on us, I am left feeling insignificant.  Nobody is listening to me.  The peace and calm of a post covid world are beyond my grasp and past a daunting third wave.  I see only the wave.  It blocks both the sun and any hope from my view.  How long must I wait?  How much longer?  I thought 2021 was the year. 

As a missionary, I too waited for the end to come.  Then, after I'd been a missionary for about a year, my anxiety began to go away.  Never completely, but the impending doom was lifted, and the sunshine no longer obscured.  There were some situational changes that were beyond my control, but those weren't the reason I could see the sun.  At some point I realised that happiness was a choice, it was a mood I could choose, and I didn't have to wait for God to change the circumstances.  I didn't have to wait until I went home.  I could find happiness where I was.  It worked.  My attitude changed because I decided it would change.  I sang.  I sang happy songs, not song about some distant hope nor pie in the sky, but songs about goodness on earth, now.  I sang:

"In a world where sorrow

Ever will be known,

Where are found the needy

And the sad and lone,

How much joy and comfort

You can all bestow,

If you scatter sunshine

Ev’rywhere you go."

 Rather than waiting for happiness to find me, rather than trusting some other being to rid me of anxiety, I took that decision into my own hands.  I wonder if I can't do that today.  Sometimes I feel that I have a right be be upset.  I have a right to be anxious as I am often in close contact with others at work.  I have a right to blame to government for letting people die, for keeping my workplace open.  I have a right to worry about the health of those I love.  I have the right to be grumpy when I start work early.  I have the right to be miserable.  So, maybe I do, but what good does any of that do me, or those around me?  I may have a right to be anxious, but what if I can choose to be happy?  I know it isn't easy, but I've done it before, so I trust that it is possible.  With some counselling, with constant little choices to see good in the world around me, with a smile on my face and thanksgiving in my heart, it is possible.

"When the days are gloomy,

Sing some happy song;

Meet the world’s repining

With a courage strong.

Go with faith undaunted

Thru the ills of life;

Scatter smiles and sunshine

O’er its toil and strife."

* Master the Tempest Is Raging: Text: Mary Ann Baker

** Scatter Sunshine: Text: Lanta Wilson Smith 

Some Nights

"Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change." - Some Nights - fun.

There have been many benefits of working online, of isolating and staying home.  In general, I like down time, I like my garden, I've enjoyed biking.  While like most of us, I wish I could be a little more disciplined with my time, I can't really complain about the change of pace that's taken place over the past five months.  Of course I wish the cause away, but I am doing fine, or at least I thought I was doing fine.

Spending five months living in fear has taken its toll on me, throw in a bit of pre-existing social anxiety, the past five months have felt very isolating.  I flip-flop between wanting to stay at home with just my wife, to desiring social interaction.  When I want to spend time with friends, I suddenly don't know how.  All the social skills I've taught myself over the years are failing me.  I don't know if it is okay to hang out with people, I'm not sure if I want to get too close, and I don't know how they feel about getting close to me.  The people open to hanging out with others, are the ones I am more afraid of being with.  So, I don't hang out with anyone. 

We are encouraged to socialise using our phone or an app.  This is even more difficult for me.  It always has been.  So, I'm a little lonely, a little anxious.  I am so grateful for my wife who suffers with me, holds me when I am anxious, and also misses socialising with people.  We're trying to figure this out, but I'm not sure if we're getting anywhere.

From Polarisation, Hate and Fear to Community, Joy and Hope: Thankful 1928

I was encouraged by my friend's example to show real life on social media. FB has often been accused of being a platform where people present their picture perfect lives, and others feel horrible because they cannot match up.
Not all the posts on FB are cheery. Recently I've noticed a lot of political posts, often written from a place of despair or anger. People are worried about the economy, they are fret about job security and powerful politicians. It has been easy for me to feel anxious, hopeless about my city and the economy and the future of human kindness and civilisation. 

Polarisation, hate, fear. 

Now for my real life moment. My wife and I went to a Christmas lights display at a golf course. We watched a sort of community form, of families and friends enjoying the lights. As we walked past the tobogganing hill, I heard genuine laughter. True, I don't know the challenges they face. Perhaps the man sliding down the hill with his toddler on him lap just lost his job. Perhaps the friends, each pulling a child on a sled, can't sleep at night, afraid of what the world will be when their children grow up. A couple holding hands. Perhaps they worry that they won't be able to pay their bills this month, so they decided not to put up their own lights. Each person there has struggles and challenges, but at that moment they chose to be happy. Regardless of political situations, economic slowdowns, uncertainties about the future, we can choose happiness. On a cold dark evening, light coaxed people out of their homes, rewarded them with joy and filled me with hope. If they find peace, perhaps I too can choose to enjoy life here, rather than running from the difficulties, dreaming of that stress free place that just doesn't exist. For this experience I am truly thankful.

Community, joy, hope.

Enlarge My Plate

I know that feeling of having too much on my plate. I feel that way almost every day. The reality is, while I feel like I have far more to do than I can possible handle, I don’t. While I feel that adding one more activity to my week, will cause my balance boat to tip and sink, it won’t. The reality is, most days I have plenty of time to waste playing games on my phone and I can’t find the motivation to engage in useful tasks because none of them are pressing.

Today I took on a task, made of goal, which I am not sure I can accomplish. As I was feeling overwhelmed, I prayed, expressing how I felt that I had too much on my plate, but acknowledging that I can accomplish more than I think I can. Rather than praying for activities to be taken from my plate, I asked that my plate would be big enough. Rather than having fewer tasks required of me, I want to have the ability to accomplish more, and, I want to have peace, knowing that God will not ask me to do more than he will enable me to accomplish.

Mosiah24:15 “And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.”

Freud*

I am sure Freud would say

I have some sort of repressed memory

Something that happened

That makes me the way I am,

But what if

I am just the way I am?

Perhaps if I

Make up a reason,

Create a repressed memory,

I’ll have something to blame,

Something to call wrong,

So it will no longer be me

Who is wrong.

If I create a repressed memory

I’ll have somewhere to start.

A place from where

healing can begin.

If Freud is right

Maybe I can be alright

After all.

*I took an introduction to psychology course about ten years ago.  That is all I know about Freud, in other words I am not an expert and have no idea what he would say.  I don't think I have a repressed memory of a dramatic event, but I do at times think it would be nice if there was a reason why I have the struggles I have.  It would be nice to have something to blame so that I don't need to shoulder the blame.

Now!

While symptoms of depression and anxiety are not new in my life, I am finally realising them for what they are and deciding that it is time for a change. A great motivator has been writing a list of what “better” would look like.

What better looks like:

confidence in social interactions

church without fear or extreme discomfort

grocery shopping without feeling overwhelmed

better understanding and awareness of my feelings (recognising stress prior to feeling physical symptoms like stomachaches and headaches)

no thoughts of self harm

no negative self talk

willing to make commitments

worry doesn’t take away from my enjoyment of the present

greater awareness and acceptance of my attractions

no disproportionate reaction to touch

no dread of going to bed

motivation to wake up in the mornings

consistently care about what I care about

friendships in which I am raw

no delay of leaving/being late because of fear/discomfort about where I am going

no general aversion to food

no feelings of vulnerability when wearing a skirt

be okay with looking pretty/attractive

give worries reasonable weight/attention

hope

social interactions a delight and not a burden

Since making this list I have been more motivated to get help and get better. This morning I saw my doctor and she suggested I try some counselling to see if that helps before trying meds. Counselling, learning to change my though patterns, take time and is work. Meds also take time to work. I want to be better now. I don’t want to wait, and I don’t want to work. I crawled out of bed to go see the doctor; when I got home, I crawled right back into bed. I guess I don’t have much hope. I can’t promise myself that every aspect of better will be accomplished as I heed the words of my counsellor; improvement won’t be in an instant, but it is possible.

And yet:

If I were miraculously healed now, I’d feel like that would discredit my current feelings. The difficulty I am having in explaining this is perhaps evident that this thought process is illogical. If I instantly get better, then I will believe I was never sick. I want to be sick. I want to be sick because I want there to be a reason I am feeling as I do. I want to be sick because then there is reason to hope that better is possible. I want to be sick because if this is normal, normal is horrible. Normal isn’t worth living. If I am miraculously happy now, if I wake up as jolly as a daisy tomorrow, I’ll forget how awful I’ve felt. These feelings so present now will flutter away with the dust, and I’ll begin to believe I always was fine. If I wake up happy tomorrow I’ll decide I don’t need counselling, and certainly not medication, but these awful, horrible feelings inevitably will come back. They always do.