A Diagnosis is not an Excuse

I have often seen memes on social media celebrating the small victories in the lives of those who struggle with depression, anxiety or other mental health issues. These memes remind those individuals who suffer with such illnesses to take it easy on themselves, to be pleased if they make it out of bed in the morning even if they do not do all the world demands of them, or all they expect of themselves. I agree. We should celebrate our little accomplishments, even if for others, our accomplishments are their daily routines. We mustn’t beat ourselves up for accomplishing less than others, or less than we wish we could.

But I wonder, and I wonder this only for myself, how do I know if I am doing my best? How can I tell if I am making excuses to stay in bed, when really I could be out enjoying the sun, and how do I know when I am doing my best. An expansion of that question is, am I really mentally ill, or am I just lazy. If I get a diagnosis, do I by extension get an excuse to stay home, hide out and do little?

Unfortunately for my lazy self, the answer is no. A diagnosis of depression is not an excuse, it is an understanding, and it allows for new approaches for battling the mountains of everyday life. And when I put it that way, I remember that I like mountains, and life is to be enjoyed as well. Life is hard, a constant challenge, but within the journey there is joy to be found and wonders to behold.

Perhaps with a diagnosis there comes tools, tools to see the views more clearly, to hear the birds, and to understand the pathway better. Perhaps with a diagnosis comes the support to make it over the mountain placed before me each day. Whether the mountain be mighty or mini, it will be a mountain which I am equipped to face and which I can conquer as I accept all the help I need. I want to have the desire to climb mountains. I don’t want to look for excuses to moan at the bottom, stuck in self-loathing or apathy. I don’t want an excuse to stay where I am. I want the help I'll need to climb the mountains I’ll face, no matter how big or little they’ll be. So I will celebrate getting out of bed, but I won’t be content until I’ve stopped to sample the nectar of the castillejas and can look down in awe from my summit of the day.