Nineveh or Tarshish

I have an opportunity to go to Bolivia.
My life dream (see below) has not changed since gr.8.
I wanna do inner city work in Calgary.
I have been thinking about Jonah
I feel so inadequate to work in Calgary.
I wonder if going to Bolivia is fleeing from Calgary
Going to Tarshish, fleeing from Nineveh
But maybe Calgary is to wait
I wont be in Bolivia for forever
What if i never go to Calgary to do youth work?
What if I just want to think going to Bolivia is like fleeing.
Because i am afraid to go there
Because i don't wanna leave friends
family
the comfort of home
Because it is just that my easier not to go.
but if i know one thing in life,
I'm tired of it being easy
tired of living in comfort
getting what i want,
doing as i please
Having nothing to worry about
yet, i like it
but where will it get me?
where will i learn to have faith?
how will i know to how to trust God?
maybe it is not about my passions
my will
my desires
I wish i knew God's passions
his will
his desires.
God will work through me where ever i am
Bolivia
Canada
He worked through Jonah,
even on his way to Tarshish
The men he was with learned to fear his God
I want people to learn to fear my God
to repent
to find Joy
to hunger for the Lord,
and to be filled
Yet i am still learning to fear my God
to repent
to find Joy
to hunger only for the Lord
and to allow him to fill me
we all hunger for God
but sometimes we don't know it
we search for stuff
friends
activities
money to fill that need
sometimes we even get satisfied with this stuff
we fill our lives with it
until there is no room for God
In Canada I have stuff
friends
Activities
and money
what if that is getting in my way of being filled by God
of relying on God
of knowing God
of hearing God
how will i ever know what to do until i hear God
life is so crowded here
in Bolivia i would be vulnerable
open
empty
weak
silent
how can i hear his voice when life is so crowded
with stuff
school
books
friends
God can speak through all of those
but only if within them i am listening
The word of the Lord came to Jonah
twice
Once he ignored it
then he listened
he followed
The people were saved
Jonah was angry
I long for God's will to be done
I hope it will not make me angry
i desire for it to be done through me
it is hard to be listening for God
especially in the middle of finals
but somethings are more important than others
and Blogging is probably not one of them
Jonah 3:3 Jonah obeyed the word of God and went to Nineveh
I hope it can be said of me
Patricia obeyed the word of God and went
sooner or later I got to get out of the comfort that surrounds me
it has been far to easy for far too long
I have been relying on my own strength
and it has mostly been enough
but it won't always be enough
and i don't want it to be enough
But God's strength will be enough