I got a secret...

copy cat...

2012-01-23T11:52:00.005-07:00

I was reading this post:

http://withoutjah-nothin.blogspot.com/2012/01/its-funny-that-i-consider-myself-artist.html

on my friend Kellen's blog, and realised how i feel very much the same as she does, though regarding a different thing. I copied her post almost completely, just changing a few (but significant) words:

It's funny that I consider myself a Christian. Faith is a constant mind-battle for me.
I do think that I have some measure of gifting to theologically reason and it's something that I love to do, but at the same time, I have never been really affected by a spiritual experience. I strive to fill my days with meaningful conversations that have the potential to move people, while I myself have never been moved (to any significant degree).
I feel like a hypocrite; that is my struggle.
Don't get me wrong, I know that it's possible for God to make an impact on someone. I just have a hard time believing that the impact could ever be huge, even though I know that it can. There is a small disconnect between my knowledge and my understanding...

Community

2012-01-19T21:02:00.001-07:00

I love Moses! I love the story of God meeting with Moses. I’ve wished that I could have just a bit of what Moses had when he went up on the mountain and spoke with God for forty days. I have often thought to have an experience anything like that of Moses’ I would have I needed to spend time in silence and solitude. I still think those are great things, but I have been trying to understand what is meant by a “personal relationship with God”. I don’t think that it is a phrase that occurs in the scriptures anywhere, and I’ve been wondering if it leads me to have false expectations about how God should be interacting with me. I was flipping through my Bible with this question in mind, and bouncing some Ideas off of a friend. The letters in the New Testament are written to whole churches, so when it is written “you are the temple of God”, it means that we are the temple of God. That blows my mind. We were talking about how it seems that we should relate to God as a community. (Does that happen in church? Or do we all just relate to God individually while happening to be in the same place?) I thought if we are to relate to God as a community, maybe he will relate to us when we are in community. I wondered if that was true. My friend mentioned the letters to the churches in Revelation; they are to churches, not individuals. I find that to be interesting. I then thought about Moses. In Exodus 19 God has a message for his people, the commandments. He gathers them all together so that as a community they hear from God.

“Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain. Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the LORD descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, and the whole mountain trembled violently. As the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder, Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him.” (Ex 19:17-19)

I wonder what it was like to be among the Israelites that day?

“When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die.”

Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.”

The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.” (Ex 20:18-21)

In the end the Israelites back off, and Moses alone approaches God, but I can’t help but wonder if God desires to meet with us in community. I wonder if we’d be ready for that. I think it is time for me to focus on my communal relationship with God.

I is creative...

2012-01-06T21:45:00.009-07:00

Look!

I made a tree!
I made it out of dreads... Yup, my dreads, but don't worry there is still plenty of dread left on my head.
A tree made out of dreads...? That's disgusting... I know.

Look!

I made cookies!
They are pretty!
It was fun!
My inspiration?
http://wifeofthecolonel.blogspot.com/2012/01/easy-slice-and-bake-cookies.html
Only, I think I did something wrong because the dough was too soft. I only made a half recipe, so maybe I did bad math, or maybe it was the use of vegan margarine instead of butter.
I added extra flour... and sugar

Is that really so?

2012-01-01T23:25:00.002-07:00

I have been trying to wrap my head around what is true, and have found myself in a place where I do not know anything. I start praying out of habit, but then questioning if there is even a God. The thing is I want to believe in God, and in Christ, that causes me no problem. The problem is that I have no way of knowing if they are real. I want my beliefs to accurately reflect reality, but I don't know how to make that so.
When I think about Monks through ages, they spent their whole lives trying to know God, and yet they all had different ideas about certain things. I have been reading Thomas A. Kempt (The Imitation of Christ) and I think that he is wrong about things. Namely that he seems to think that he must work a lot to be able to go to heaven and he feels no security in what Christ has already done. Who am I to say that he is wrong? If he could be wrong about something, then I could be wrong about something. I am sure that I am wrong in some of my beliefs, but then I fear, what if I am wrong about some of the major things I believe. What if there is no God. How can I know?
My life is centred around my faith in Jesus. My reasons for everything I do rest on my faith in God. I would be lost without my beliefs. I am lost. Even my thoughts of trying to work this week are rather foggy as my perception of God is foggy.
A lot of people have a lot of strong believes in a lot of different things, and someone who thinks differently than me isn’t stupid, unlearned or evil. They might even be right, just as I might be right.
I have no reason to doubt that God exists. I have no evidence against Christ, but I am sure that I must believe many wrong things, because there are so many different beliefs out there and I am not always right. The question then is which of my beliefs reflect reality, and which ones should just be thrown out?

I ran a race

2011-12-20T22:08:00.003-07:00

In a santa suit!
10K in 49:22

R.I.P Occuplaza, long live OCCUPY!

2011-12-10T16:06:00.007-07:00

Every now and then I would hear about Occupy, but never really enough to fully understand it. My favourite way to learn about people is from the people themselves, so I had the desire to go down and talk with the people who were camping out. But, I kept putting it off. Then I read that the court had ordered them out by Friday at 2pm. I did not get down to the Occupy Camp until Thursday night. I took my tent and headed down. I thought that would be the best way to understand what was going on. I wasn’t sure what they stood for, but I believed that they had a right to say it, and that was enough to get me to go a support them.
I had no idea what would happen once I got there. I turned out that they had a plan in mind; plan of creative resistance, a plan to leave the plaza, but not without pointing out the injustice of their silencing. I met people I will never forget; people who have chosen community over comfort.
It was an honour to be a part of their last night at the Plaza, but counter to the media portrayal, this was not their last stand. Occupy lives on. There was such a community created at the camp that ridding the plaza of tents far from disbands the group. “The occupation was in-tents”, but it will continue even when the tents are gone. I believe that is party why the Occupiers could leave peacefully, and even before their eviction. They knew that it was far from the end, as one of the signs read: “ideas can’t be evicted”.
I had conversations with occupiers that I will never forget. One guy felt like history was just repeated itself, but it would not give us any better results this time around. He spoke about how things were rather similar in the Roman Empire. The Roman Empire got me thinking about Jesus. Would he be part of an Occupy Revolution?
Jesus brought his own kingdom, so he didn’t need to transform the one that existed. Rather he invited people to join his movement. But it was a movement that contains many of the values of the Occupy movement; the values of community, sharing, equality, and justice over the “Justice System”.
There were a couple of Jesus stories that came to mind over the night:
I was reminded of the creative resistance of which Jesus spoke in Matthew 5: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” (to understand how this is creative resistance, it helps to understand the culture a bit better. This could help http://dustinfjames.wordpress.com/category/nonviolent-resistance/ I didn't fully read what was said on this site, but I think he's got the idea)
A conversation with a business man who couldn’t grasp the concept of Occupy made me think of the parable from Luke 12: “A man in a crowd said to Jesus, "Teacher, tell my brother to give me my share of what our father left us when he died."
Jesus answered, "Who gave me the right to settle arguments between you and your brother?"
Then he said to the crowd, "Don't be greedy! Owning a lot of things won't make your life safe."
So Jesus told them this story:
A rich man's farm produced a big crop, and he said to himself, "What can I do? I don't have a place large enough to store everything."
Later, he said, "Now I know what I'll do. I'll tear down my barns and build bigger ones, where I can store all my grain and other goods. Then I'll say to myself, `You have stored up enough good things to last for years to come. Live it up! Eat, drink, and enjoy yourself.' "
But God said to him, "You fool! Tonight you will die. Then who will get what you have stored up?"
"This is what happens to people who store up everything for themselves, but are poor in the sight of God."
And I thought about the teachings of John the Baptist “And he would answer and say to them, "The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do likewise."” And the other John “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?”
I am happy with what Occupy did. Their signs and the art left on the plaza speak their message loudly (though I would say it is being distorted by the media), and they are far from disappearing.

Proverb:

2011-10-30T19:57:00.001-06:00

today I made up a proverb. maybe it has been stated before:

A man is as rich as his friends are generous.

what do you think?

2011-09-26T11:51:00.005-06:00

Over the weekend I went to Jasper with my parents, both of my sister's and their husbands. It was a last minute family trip. We went on 3 hikes, all of which I had done as a kid with my dad. I am thankful for those father daughter camping trips I went on with my dad where we would hike, camp, and when I got older, backpack. Those are some of the times when I really bonded with my dad. We hike up the mountain Cavity, which was far more of a scramble than a walk in the park. I thought my dad was a little crazy for taking me up there when I was 6, but I still have a scar on my knee from that first trip. The hike up Cavity yesterday was dangerous. It was windy, and rainy, so the rocks were slippery. Looking from above, I watched my dad try to navigate an alternate route which only left him stranded on a rock wall. I hoped he would not fall.
My dad and I did a lot of scrambling, For a couple years we hiked into a campground called waterfall where two waterfalls met. One year we scrambled up beside the one waterfall, and the next year up climbed up the other waterfall. I think it was the first year when my dad and I had climbed different routes up a cliff. From the top I got out the camera and took a picture of him. "Good thing you took that picture" he had told me later "The rock I was holding was loose. That might have been the last picture you ever got of me." I shuddered, not liking my dad to talk like that.
The next year we climbed up the other waterfall. we came across some large rock piles let by glaciers. (I think they have a fancy name, but I don't know what it is now). We walked a couple of Kms to the far side of one, and on that end it was gently sloped. we walked up it with no problem and started heading back along the top. The problem came when we had to get off of the pile. The sides around us were a steep collection of large and small rocks. Everything was loose. My brave dad started down on his feet, but it wasn't long before he lost his balance and tumbled down the mountain. I thought he might die, but he was okay. I sat atop of the rock for a long time, terrified of going down. I thought about the song that said "your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet", and wished that this mountain was at all firm. Eventually I made my way down.
We took a lot of pictures this weekend. And I thought about the time my dad had said that it was good I had taken the picture because it might have been the last. We found out a week before our trip to Jasper that my dad's cancer has come back, and with a vengeance. He seems healthy, but the tumors are beyond operable, and treatment can only delay the inevitable. He's made a bucket list, and on there was a trip to Jasper. Jasper is an important place for him. Take a Picture of dad on the mountain, this might be the last mountain he climbs. Take a picture of all of us together, who knows if we will all be together again. Take a picture of dad skipping rocks. Who knows if he will be out at a lake again. Take a picture of dad and his daughters because soon they won't have a father. Take a picture, it might be the last chance.

So, now I am feeling pretty hopeless and kinda depressed. I don't feel like doing anything, but I think the more I do, the better it is for me. I am feeling rather busy with school and work amongst many other things, and I can't do everything. Hopefully someday I will learn how to balance it all, but first I feel like I might crash.

UGM - youth drop in

2011-09-14T13:29:00.002-06:00

Solemnly they walked through the line. Some smiled, other wouldn’t make eye contact, but most said thanks. I offered them mixed peas and corn, but most rejected them, so there were many left when I went and found someone I knew with whom I could sit. The lighting was dim, and the atmosphere was mellow. Earlier they had told us that there were black lights in the bathroom so people could not find their veins and inject drugs, I could not get the image out of my mind. I found myself in a conversation with a youth I didn’t know, and as was best, she did most of the talking. She was homeless. She had been kicked out of one shelter, not allowed in another, and the rest were forbidden to her for she was only fifteen; only fifteen yet homeless. Something from deep within me burned against this injustice. I felt utterly useless, and angry that there was nothing I could do to help this girl, this child. I wanted to storm up to the gates of those agencies and beg that they let her in. She had been kicked out of the one place because her skirt was too short. Her skirt was too short; had they even thought to offer her anything else to wear. I knew I was only hearing her side of the story, but that didn’t matter. There was no reason which I could comprehend that justified having a fifteen year old sleep on the streets. On the filthy perilous streets of East Hastings. I wished I could have offered her a home, a family, and some love, but I was there only to leave again. She couldn’t escape her situation but in a few days I would get in the 15 passenger van and drive home. I offered her all I could; I listened, and in doing so I received more than I could have given. I received a passion, a passion that ten years later continues to fuel what I do. Black lights in the bathroom. Unwanted peas and corn. Dim lights where they ate their food. Rejected teen. I was only 13.

Do you know Joe?

2011-09-02T18:19:00.002-06:00

The other day I was talking with my friend. She knows Joe, and so do I. I know about Joe’s love for animals, the hardships he faced as a child, and in losing his wife, and his distrust of people, because he has been let down. Joe lives in the inner-city, eats at the Mustard Seed Soup Kitchen and lives without a job.
When I was at the Farmers’ Market this week, the musician asked me if I knew Joe. Of course I do, and I was about to tell him so until I realised he might not be talking about the same Joe. The Joe he knows has his own story, his own definition of success and hopefully someone to trust.

to whom will you listen?

2011-08-12T15:09:00.001-06:00

The Voice of Justice from The Justice Conference on Vimeo.

2011-08-12T13:47:00.001-06:00

If we are the body of Christ, then I am not sure how to trust him.

What do you think?

I had a great day today

2011-08-04T22:54:00.005-06:00

I had a great day today, and I thought you all should know about it. It started off with a great run with my roommate (oh boy, training for a triathlon). At that point I decided that I needed to take some me time to prepare for the day. I spent some time reading the Bible and in prayer. Then I headed off to my old Bible College. I debated whether it would really be a worthwhile trip. I didn’t have too much time to spend there, but it is a place I like to go where I can spend time with God without thinking that I should really be washing the dishes, or doing laundry, or sweeping, or checking my email one more time. So I headed up to the college. My theology prof was there, and I thought it would be good to have a chat with him. I stopped in his office and we had a great conversation about the Eucharist and about being the body of Christ. He confirmed a lot of thought I have recently had, and sent me on my way with a book. It was a really good and encouraging talk. Then I made my way to the LDS institute. In the last institute class I attended I really felt like I wanted to talk with the teacher, so I emailed him and we set up a time (which happened to be this morning). I wasn’t sure how our conversation would go, but in the email I had mentioned that I wanted to hear his story. I got to the institute building, and the doors were locked, which meant I had to ring the door bell, and that really scared me. A very large part of me wanted to turn and walk away, but I didn’t. I rang it, and I waited. I could see the Brother walk from the far end of the hall towards me. I think a million things went through my mind. I didn’t know what I was going to say to him. I had nothing planned. I sat down in his office as he finished off an email. I made some observations –Rugby picture –lobster trap –family photos; and said some silent prayers. “So, what do you want to know” he said breaking the silence. “Everything” I replied. And I felt like that statement was pretty true, I do want to know everything. He started from his birth and told me about his childhood, his grandparents, his experiences as a Catholic, as a born again Christian and then about how he became an LDS. He told me about how he came out west, and how he got a job with the LDS Church teaching seminary and then institute. He told me about his wife and his 6 children. And then his story concluded. He looked at me and asked about my story. “Did you grow up in the Church?” I was a little shocked by his question, but answered “I grew up going to Church, but not the LDS Church.” He was intrigued, but then I realised that more was needed to be said. I added “I am not a member.” He was shocked. He had no idea. I don’t try to trick people into thinking that I am LDS; I don’t know any Mormons with dreadlocks, but I guess it is mainly the LDS who attend institute, so it was understandable for him to think that I was a member. Then I shared parts of my story with him. I shared it much like I would share my story with kids at camp. I talked about my dad’s cancer and my parents love for Guatemala. I shared about my struggle with pride and about finding my worth in Christ. I shared about inner city mission trips and the way they have changed the direction of my life. I shared about Bible School and I shared about my decision to go to a different Church when I was in grade 11. I shared about why I moved and what I might take in school. There are a lot of things which have happened in my life. Then we started talking about the way he teaches. I admire his way of teaching so much, and he said that we should sit down and talk about it more some time. I’d like that. I didn’t think that we would talk for more than an hour, but we chatted for an hour and a half and we could have kept talking if he did not have a class to teach. He asked me where I attend church now, and when I told him that I went to a Mennonite Church he was rather surprised. As we walked down the hall to leave we talked about finding the value in different denominations even if we don’t agree with everything they believe.
I had told the girl I mentor that I would be at her house at one, but I did not leave the institute building until one and she lives far across the city. I also stopped at a gas station on the way to her house because I had to pee so bad, and while I was there I decided to buy gas and wash some of my windows. I then made a stop at Safeway, I more frequently shop at superstore, but Safeway was on the way and I have a gift card for there. I stopped to buy some fruits and veggies for the girl I mentor and her family. They lost electricity and thus lost all of the food in their fridge. I know that she will often tell me that there is no food it the fridge, but I know by that she often just means that there is nothing which she desires to eat, but when she asked for fruits and veggies, and her mom was well aware of her doing so, I know that they really did need some food. I got to the till and then remembered that I left my wallet it the car. I asked the cashier if I could run and grab it and she said that would be no problem, When I got back there was a different cashier and I was a little confused. Anyhow, I paid for my food, and completely forgot to use the gift card (good thing I will need more groceries again) and then got to her house at 1:51 Her nine year old sister greeted me and helped me put away the groceries. The girl I mentor was sleeping as she had felt kinda sick, but we woke her up to make cookies. And she came to life. After the cookie making I hung out with her little sister while she went and showered and then we went downtown to volunteer at a Centre which provides community, meals, food hampers and clothing to single moms and low income families. The girl I mentor and her mom and sister and a neighbour all came with us down there. It is great that they can volunteer and receive what they need at the same time, I think it gives dignity which is what that place is all about. They went home with food and new clothes. As I drove home (which give me a bit of time to think) I thought about how much I have come to love that family. I haven't always, but I think God has given me his love for them, and allowed me to see him in their love for eachother. That family is far from perfect. They hurt eachother, fight and yell at eachother, but in the end the love eachother, and care deeply for eachother and would do so much for eachother.
I also started thinking how it was pretty great that the place we volunteered at was able to give, and help out so much. I wondered if anyone practical would say that they should of had food storage so that when they were in need they had extra stored away, but I thought about the sharing that had taken place that night and then I got it. I couldn’t contain it. I laughed because I needed to release my heart. “That’s Christianity” I said out loud and I said it again, and again. I got it. Christianity isn’t having enough to care for one’s self, but about sharing when we have more than enough. It is about having a community to support those in need. It is about love. That is Christianity.
I think that Shane Claiborne echos the voice of the early Christians when he says that those with two coats ought to give one away, and to not give one away is like stealing from those who have none. I think if we have an extra can of food, and there are others going without, we have taken what rightfully belongs to them.

Population me?

2011-07-30T11:37:00.002-06:00

I really like how she drives.

"Opinions are good"

2011-07-27T10:11:00.003-06:00

That is what my roommate told me the other night as we were chatting, “opinions are good, but society tells us to be so open minded that we lose the ability to form opinions”
I don’t know how I feel about that. I think when she said opinions, she largely meant religious convictions. I have an opinion about what is true. I have an opinion about whether or not that shirt looks good on you. I have an opinion about the meat industry and I have an opinion about God. Is that okay? My opinions might be wrong. If I say your shirt is ugly, I might be wrong, but if I say that I don’t like your shirt, you cannot argue with that. Opinions hurt people, and I don’t like hurting people. I also think that we can be far too set in our opinion that we fail to see where others are coming from, and fail to see the good in their opinion. Their opinion might be wrong, but I can still learn fron it and accept it as their opinion. And I shall try to learn to share my opinion without hurting other. These are just my baby thoughts ont this, I still have much to learn. What are your thoughts?

Unrelated quote for the day:
“Whenever you are in doubt, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and weakest person you may have seen and ask yourself if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to them.” - Gandhi

I want to look the poor in the face, and see the face of God

2011-07-14T14:38:00.004-06:00

"I wasn't exactly sure what a fully devoted Christian looked like, or if the world had even seen one in the last few centuries. From my desk at college, it looked like some time back we had stopped living Christianity and just started studying it." -Shane Claiborne

“He pled the cause of the afflicted and needy;
Then it was well.
Is not that what it means to know Me?”
Declares the LORD."
-Jeremiah 22:16

"God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them." -Bono

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27

Why not...?

2011-06-19T21:41:00.005-06:00

I have been put face to face with my pride recently. I was reading a book about woman in leadership (especially Church leadership) which suggested that men are often unwilling to learn from woman because of their pride. But what about woman? What about me? It occurred to be that I may be too proud to learn from woman as well. Somehow I can get caught up thinking that I a better than the average female. I start thinking that they are all touchy feely and none of them use their brain very much. I easily believe that there is nothing good about being touchy feely and that I have nothing to learn from them. sorry, I am wrong. I need to live like I believe that I can learn something from everyone, because I can, and because I am not better than them. I tend to judge people quickly and then decide whether or not I can learn from them, or if they are interesting to me. I dismiss people quickly. I don’t give them a chance. This too is wrong. And it is degrading. I say that I believe that all people are valuable, but I don’t treat them all as if they are. I need to learn to treat people right, but what if I am unwilling to learn from the person who can teach me this? It is time that I push through the boundaries I have created.

Remand Centre

2011-06-13T13:14:00.001-06:00

I was sitting on the city train and listening to the conversation of two men behind me.
“Did you just get out of the Remand Centre?” the one asked.
“Yep. You too?”
“Yep.”
I looked up and out of my window I could see the Remand. Its tiny windows are like keys, but they seem to be hopeless keys that will never fit the lock. Hearing them speak about the Centre, and seeing it up ahead I was filled with emotions which I cannot quite understand, but I felt them in my gut. The Remand Centre which was built to house 340 prisoners now holds upwards of 800. I have heard that the human right activists have spoken harshly against the conditions inside. It is understaffed and as I gazed up at it I felt sick. This isn’t right, I thought. The train headed underground and the Remand was no longer in my sight, but it was still in my heart as I thought about the horrible treatment which is experienced there. The say that once people are finally sentenced they get two or even three days taken off of their jail term for every day they were in the Remand Centre because the conditions are so horrible. I heard the one man mention that he had gotten off “Scot Free”. I don’t know what he did, but it made me hurt for those who end up at the Remand even though they are innocent.
The train stopped and the Transit Police got on. “Tickets, transfers and passes” they demanded. I searched through my bag until I found my transfer to show to the Policewoman. She continued down the aisle. When she got to the men who had just gotten out of the Remand one was up front confessing “I don’t got one”. The other man searched in vain through his bag hoping to make it appear as if he had lost his ticket. They were both escorted off of the bus at the next stop.
I think it is just a fine if you fail to pay for the train, but I have come to realise that some people have no money, they cannot pay off a fine. If the fines don’t get paid I can only imagine that these men will end up back at the Remand.
The thought made me angry. I wished I could do something about it. I considered giving them my transfer; I didn’t know what else could be done. I wanted to offer them grace, but I wasn’t sure what it would have cost me.
The simple fact is that the train costs money. They didn’t pay, so they deserve the consequences. That is what is fair. That is justice... right?
I don’t know. It doesn’t sit right with me. The problem is far greater than the surface. It goes back further than I’ll ever know. Sending them back to the Remand seemingly with just perpetuate hopelessness. I am not convinced that incarceration is beneficial or even just, but I fear that I don’t have the better option. I just wanted to offer them grace, but maybe it wasn’t mine to give.

Vegan Banana Bread

2011-05-21T21:10:00.002-06:00

In the past week I have perfected, veganised and modified this recipe to the extent where I feel like I can call it my own. I for one really like it when people share their recipes, so I thought I could share this with the world
1 ½ Cups sugar
1 ¼ Oil (or vegan margarine)
4-5 bananas mashed
¼ cup apple sauce (not going to lie, I never measure this, because measuring apple sauce is messy)
2 TBSP flax (again, I never actually measure this)
1 TSP vanilla (who really measures)
Salt
1 ½ TSP baking soda
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup white flour
1 ½ cups chocolate chips

Mix Sugar and Oil.
Add mashed bananas, flax, apple sauce and vanilla. Mix well
Add flour, baking soda and salt, mix
Fold in chocolate chips

Makes 2 loaves -grease pan (bake at 325 for a long time)
Or
18 muffins -grease muffin tin or use paper cups(bake at 365 for less time)

Enjoy!

a baker dozen of lessons

2011-05-18T21:42:00.001-06:00

I have been thinking about posting for a while. I have been learning a lot recently, but I am not exactly sure how to put it into words.
1) I have been learning that Jesus is Lord. When I look around at the mess in this world it is hard to believe that God is in control. But Jesus is Lord! He knows what he is doing. I don’t get it.
2) God has wrath. That is not something I enjoy thinking about, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. God is love. And like a lover, when he sees those he loves getting hurt, he gets angry.
3) But, he also doesn’t want to be angry at anyone, but to have peace with everyone
4) I am afraid to offend others by my opinions. I am afraid that my opinion will be wrong or foolish or something. I was driving with my sister and brother-in-law for 7 hours through the prairies, so we had to do something to pass the time. We started talking about baby names (though my sister is far from pregnant) and every time I had a different opinion about a name than they did, I kept it to myself. I did not feel free to disagree. I did not want to offend them or hurt them in any way, or be wrong for liking a name that they did not.
5) I like food too much. That is not the problem. I think the problem is that I like to eat too much, but I forget to be thankful. Gluttony leads to ungratefulness. I am there, but I don’t want to be there, but I am not sure what to do about that.
6) I am proud, and when I decide (for whatever reason) that I think I am better than someone then I think I cannot learn from them. That is a lie.
7) Up to this point in my life, personal development has been forced upon me. It is time I take responsibility for myself. The things I have yet to learn are: WHO do I want to be in five years, and what and I going to do to get there?
8) “I am not the girl I used to be, I am not yet who I will become” Suzy Welsh
9) I am unhealthily independent. While I think that we are created for community, I do not live that out, nor know what it would look like if I did. I am afraid to ask people to help me because I reckon that they do not want to help me. Maybe they are busy, or they just don’t care. Whatever it is I feel the responsibility to do everything on my own. I am learning that sometimes people want to help me.
10) My independence and self-reliance probably is at the root of my doubts that God will help me if I ask him. My independence roots from my childhood, they ways my parents forced me to be independent and the times my sister responded to me as if she did not care.
11) God is good. He is good to me. He is at work in this world. I have seen this and I cannot deny it. He has healed my dad! But sometimes I still doubt. I still lack faith.
12) God will punish the self-satisfied... is that me?
13) I am going to be learning for the rest of my life! When I was in high school I thought I knew everything. Then I realised that I do not know everything. I started trying to answer my new found questions so that I could get back to the place of knowing everything. I thought I’d better figure it all out pretty quickly. BUT I don’t have to get it all figured out pretty quickly. I will always be learning! Hooray! I have lots to learn, and some things I will probably have to learn yet again. But I am on my way. I am learning, and I will continue to learn all the more!

God is Love!

2011-05-10T13:20:00.001-06:00

2011-04-29T16:50:00.002-06:00

I had a ten second dance “party” today. It may have lasted longer than ten seconds, but I am sick, and I ran out of energy quickly. I also can’t dance. The “party” included me, and some punk ska music from my teenage years of which most people have never heard. I kept on thinking about this Dayz Wage song as I thought about how many people try to live their life to please God, and yet fail over and over. I was thinking about it today how some people’s sins are far more obvious. I like Dayz Wage because they don’t pretend to be perfect. It is pretty easy for me to pretend to be perfect. I can keep my faults hidden. But I am so far from perfect. I think hiding them though really accomplishes nothing. It also makes those who cannot hid their wrongdoings feel excluded. It becomes easy for them to feel like everyone else has it all together and that they are the only ones struggling. I struggle. I don't love God with my whole heart mind soul and strength. I don't love my neighbour as myself. That is what is most important, yet we are all to quick to judge the outward faults that can easily be seen.

Regular Kid –Dayz Wage

I’m just a regular kid I don’t know why
God there is so much is between you and I
I know that you know my heart and you’ve been in my place
I know you can help me start to see you face to face

God I love your forgiving nature
And I need your eternal power
Jesus Christ is the risen saviour
Praise his holy name forever.

I’m just a regular kid I don’t know why
God there is so much is between you and I
God if you want me I’m yours I don’t know why you would
Without you I’m weak and I’m poor but you can use me for good

A Lesson From Snow

2011-04-16T11:57:00.001-06:00

It was snowing again this morning, and I am still enjoying the snow. As I sat by the window and watched it fall, I realised why I like it so much. Without the snow, everything is dirty and yucky. The snow covers that up, it makes it beautiful. I watched as the snow covered the dead leaves on our deck, It makes it beautiful, but I know it will melt and the dirtiness will still be there. In the end, the snow doesn’t stay forever; the dirt has to be dealt with. The dirt doesn’t stay forever either. Transformation happens. Spring comes, but first the snow has to melt. First it has to get ugly. I started thinking introspectively. What am I trying to keep covered with snow? What is ugly that needs to be transformed? There are a couple people at work who I don’t really like. I can cover that up, and get along with them, for the most part, but sometimes my frustration towards them comes out. I don’t want to try to hide this. I don’t want to try to be nice. I don’t want to pretend. I want to be transformed. I want to love them as God loves them. I don’t know how this transformation will happen, but I know that I am not capable of bringing it about by myself, so I pray that God will change me. But I am afraid that first it might get ugly.

SNOW!!!

2011-04-14T15:38:00.003-06:00

I heard yesterday that it would snow overnight. I dreamed last night that it did not snow, and that made me sad. When I woke up this morning, I did not have that much motivation to get out of bed. Then I looked out my window and this is what I saw! SNOW! I love snow. I don't think most people were as excited about it as I was. But I have not had to much of winter yet. A lot of the snow has melted now. I hope it snows again in May!

Always winter, never Christmas

2011-04-02T13:33:00.004-06:00

Narnia is under a curse. It is always winter, and never Christmas. In the past few days, Narnia has been on our mind. I’ve been asked if I have seen Mr. Tumnus or the lamp post. It’s snowing. Since last night we’ve had about 6 inches and counting. But, it is beautiful. Rachel was over today. As she left my house, I watched the contrast of her black skirt and jacket as she walked into the white surroundings. Narnia. Always winter, but never Christmas.

Lucy and Edmund both go into the wardrobe. Once in Narnia Lucy meets Mr. Tumnus. He has given himself over in service to the White Witch, but upon meeting Lucy, he is able to see through the deception. Edmund, however, meets the terrifying White Witch herself. She chooses against killing him, but decides to use him for his own purpose. With her cunning ways, she wins him over to her side. She offers him enchanted Turkish Delight, and after tasting it, he will do anything to have more of it. Yet she tells him to work in secret, and not to believe any lies that he may hear from Lucy about her.

Edmund dismisses the warnings about the White Witch not because he doesn’t think that she may be dangerous, but because he longs for more Turkish Delight. When the Children all come to Narnia together, Edmund leaves his siblings to go find the White Witch. She is displeased that he has come alone, and keeps him locked up.
Always winter but never Christmas, and he is trapped in the Witches lonely cell.
Always winter, but then something happens. Some of the snow starts melting. A river starts to flow. Farther Christmas comes, and so does Aslan.

I am waiting for spring. I am waiting for Christmas. I am waiting for the curse to be broken, for flowers to grow, I am waiting for Aslan to show up.

Rachel is also waiting for spring. She isn’t pleased by the snow which keeps falling, and she thinks of moving away to escape it all. I don’t know that that would make her content. She is waiting for spring, but before spring comes Christmas, and with Christmas, Aslan comes.

Spring

2011-03-29T16:23:00.005-06:00

I love Spring, and today is Spring. The snow is melting, the sun is shining and it is beautiful. I went for a walk, and just watched the waters flow. I could do that for hours.
I love the sound, and it is a picture of hope. As I was out there I thought of a poem (which would be a song if I was musical) which I wrote 4 years ago. I think I wrote it in the spring.

You send snow down
Like wool to the earth
You send snow down
And Lord, it’s cold
You send snow down
Chunks of ice
You send snow down
Frost that bites

Who can stand?
You send snow down.
Who can stand
Your icy blasts?
Who can stand
Against your order?
Who can stand
Against your hand?

You send order
Unto this earth
You send order
And Lord it hurts
You send order
Against this land
You send order
Lord give me your hand

Who can stand?
You send order.
Who can stand
Against your plan?
Who can stand
Against your order?
Who can stand
Against your hand?

Send your breath Lord, take my hand
Send your breeze and help me stand
Say a word and all will melt
At your breath the waters flow
Waters flow again
Waters flow.

See Psalm 147

My religion is loving Mormons

2011-03-28T08:23:00.006-06:00

They say that whatever gets you out of bed in the morning is your religion. This morning I knew that I could sleep an hour longer, but I chose to get up so that I could have Elroy, a Latter-day Saint, as my bus driver. I knew when his bus came, and I got on it. It is an 11 minute bus ride from my house to the office, but to me those 11 minutes were worth an hour of sleep. We talked about jazz, a lot about jazz, and about not too much more than jazz. He told me that he had been doing a lot of snow removal in the past week, and we talked about the radio, and then about jazz.

My world is shattered - DC Talk lied to me...

2011-03-22T19:27:00.001-06:00

"Boom! Burn! Bip! Yeah! Pow! Hey, ha ha.
Down with the dc Talk, d- d- down with the dc Talk
Are you down with the dc Talk,
d- d- down with the dc Talk
Pullin' out my big black book
Cause when I need a word defined that's where I look
So I move to the L's quick, fast, in a hurry
Threw on my specs, thought my vision was blurry
I looked again but to my dismay
It was black and white with no room for grey
Ya see, a big "V" stood beyond my word
And yo that's when it hit me, that luv is a verb"

So, love is a verb. That sounds right, an action word. something we should do. But today I learned that it is more than a verb. It is not so black and white. Love can be a noun... a NOUN, imagine that?!?! This changes everything!!!! I am not exactly sure how yet.

2011-03-21T17:57:00.002-06:00

I really am becoming more childish. My new favourite food is "ants on a log" which is funny because I do not really like celery, peanut butter or raisins.

I got a secret... I am afraid that if you know me you will not love me.

2011-03-17T15:28:00.005-06:00

Ever since my last post I have been realising that I am afraid to be all that honest, about who I am, on this blog spot. I am afraid that then I will not be loved or accepted. Well, I hope that is not true, and I reckon I need not have that fear. If I am honest about who I am, and people do not like that then at least they are choosing not to like me for me and not some fake me. I am sure not everyone is going to like me, but that shouldn’t stop me from being myself. With that being said... who am I? How would I describe myself?
I don’t know.
But I know what’s important to me.
-Jesus
-People
-Living intentionally
-Living communally
-Living missionally
-Glimpses of that which is beyond my comprehension
-Sleeping as much as possible
-Creating
-Being active
-Eating tasty food
-The Bible
-Embracing diversity
-Living ethically
-Profound thoughts and deep conversation
-Rest
-The Earth
Well, I am sure that there are more things, but that is all that have come to my mind right now. I bothers me a little how we often define others by their occupation. I remember the point being made that we are human beings, and not human doings. Who am I? Recently I have felt rather young and childish. My desire is to shrink from all responsibilities. I long to be carefree. Unfortunately I have been rather busy. I am a people pleaser. I just want everyone to be happy. I am rebellious. I have never been fond of authority, yet I am afraid of them, and still a people pleaser. I challenge the status-quo.

To be Known and Loved

2011-03-02T23:06:00.003-07:00

(A post of stereotypes which I see all too often in this world)
A wise man once said that “people just want to be known and loved for who they truly are.” That seems simple enough, but when I look around it is such a foreign concept. Everyone is trying to perform. To be someone that others will like, because well... simply we fear, that if they know us, the real us, they might not like us. I think about the air brushing and photo editing which goes into every magazine picture, and it sickens me that societies idols set such an unattainable standard. Maybe that is why we idolize them. If after all, we could become like them, we wouldn’t have much to look up too. Yet so many still strive after this impossibility. They try to look and act just right. They try to become those to whom society gives attention. They try because they want to be loved. I wonder if many celebrities feel unfulfilled in the love they receive. I wonder if they have compromised themselves to get the attention which they now receive. I wonder if they feel loved at all, or if they feel that we just love the image they present, their face on the magazine, and not the real them after all. When we hide ourselves behind a mask do we fail to receive the love that others send our way? When we refuse to love people until they reach our standards our love becomes shallow and conditional. We have created a death trap...
What do we do?

2011-01-19T20:30:00.002-07:00

I have since become involved in panicked scenery.

Narnia

2011-01-13T16:26:00.004-07:00

The Narnians have been deceived by an Ape who shows them a false Aslan and barks out commands as if they were from Aslan himself. Only these new commands go against the character we know Aslan to be. King Tirian finds a donkey dressed up as Aslan, which the Ape uses to deceive the Narnians. He then comes across some dwarfs who have been sold in to slavery because of “Aslan’s orders”. He is excited to show them that it has all been a lie. He shows them the obvious flaws in what they had believed, but they do not respond as he had hoped.

“I don’t know how all you chaps feel, but I feel I’ve heard as much about Aslan as I want to for the rest of my life... You must think we’re blooming soft in the head, that you must... We’ve been taken in once and now you expect us to be taken in again the next minute. We’ve no more use for stories about Aslan, see! Look at him! An old moke with long ears”
“By heavens, you make me mad,” said Tirian “which of us said that was Aslan? That is the Ape’s imitation of the real Aslan. Can’t you understand?”
“And you have got a better imitation, I suppose! No thanks. We’ve been fooled once and we’re not going to be fooled again.”
“I have not,” said Tirian angrily, “I serve the real Aslan.”
“Where’s he? Who’s he? Show him to us!”
“Do you think I keep him in my wallet, fools?” Said Tirian “Who am I that I could make Aslan appear at my bidding? He’s not a tame lion.”
“Not a tame lion, not a tame lion... That’s what the other lot kept on telling us.”
Tirian had never dreamed that one of the results of an Ape’s setting up a false Aslan would be to stop people from believing in the real one. He had felt quite sure that the Dwarfs would rally to his side the moment he showed them how they had been deceived.

Three Steps to Falling in Love:

2010-05-14T23:13:00.005-06:00

I have just started trying to read my Bible differently. Too often I see it as a book to support my views, I read over it as say “see, I am right.” I no longer want to read the Bible like that. I actually decided that a while ago, but more recently I have thought of a new way to read it. (because it is hard to stop reading it one way if you have no other way to put in its place). I started asking the question “who is God?” as I read. I am trying to figure out who he is so that I can love him.
One of the girls at my youth group is obsessed with a boy whom she affectionately refers to as MJ. She was looking at pictures of him tonight, and gleaning information off of them. “He wears Abercrombie... he has beautiful Abs” etc. I thought, I wish I was as obsessed with God as she is with MJ. The better thing with being obsessed with God is that God loves me back. I want to fall in love with God.

The Attention Seeker I Know all to Well.

2010-04-21T13:30:00.002-06:00

She sits there silently as though she is not listening to what you say, but she hears every word. You next conclude that she is indifferent to the topic, but really she knows time is short, and she figures that there be more important things to discuss then her thoughts, but there is a lot that she wants to share.
The talk goes back and forth and she is not going to compete to be heard, but she wishes someone cared enough to ask her opinion. Actually, before she feels good attending to the agenda she wishes that someone would attend to her heart. The brokenness feels overwhelming, even though really nothing is wrong. She just wants to be heard. She wants to be cared about. She wants someone to listen with genuine interest and show her that what she has to say matters. But she has been let down far too many times, and it hurts too much to try again and face the possible interruption. So she is quiet. She sinks deeper into the couch and writes her thoughts down on a paper. At least the paper will not interrupt her.
I don’t know what her problem is. She has experienced over and over that if she expects too much from people, that they will just disappoint her, yet something has her hoping that maybe this time it will be different. It never is. She knows that there is one who cares for her unconditionally. He is always there for her, always. He is eager to hear what she is going through. His longing for the communication is deeper than any longing she has ever had. His love for her is deep, far deeper than any of the hurts she has ever felt. And she knows all of this, yet when the pain comes she doesn’t go to him. She hopes someone else will hear her story; she wants to find someone else who will listen eagerly to what is going on. Somehow his attention is never enough for her, until she is worn out from facing rejection all day and she crawls to his feet. Whatever the pain was in the morning no longer matters, she comes to tell him that the rejection has caused more pain then she can bear. While she left hoping to find someone who had time to care and offer comfort, she found the world in as much need as herself. Everyone is searching; everyone is hungry for attention and too busy with their own problems to worry about her. They scream “look at me. Who do I have to be to get you to see what is here? If I must act, or make up a fact, I will do it is I know your listening will be sincere.” So, on they go. Acting, and only listening if they think it will mean that they in turn will be heard, but he is there. He is waiting and listening. He is waiting for her, to crawl into his arms and share with him her pain. He wants to hear about the small things that go on which bother her so much. He cares about that. And he won’t get distracted, and his cell phone won’t ring. His time isn’t scheduled, his listening is genuine and he will never leave her. He literally has all day. She just must believe that his attention is the best; indeed, it is better than all she chases after.

Vegan Double Chocolate Cookies

2009-11-28T20:02:00.001-07:00

adapted from http://www.silksoymilk.com/recipes/chocolate-chip-cookies

½ cup vegan margarine
2/3 cups sugar
2 TBSP soy milk
1TSP vanilla
¼ cup cacao
1 cup flour
½ TSP baking soda
1/3 cup chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Cream butter and sugars until light and fluffy. Slowly add soy milk, cream well, then add vanilla. Combine the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. Add the dry ingredients to the creamed mixture, then fold in the chocolate chips.Drop by teaspoons on cookie sheets. Bake at 350°F degrees for 8-10 minutes.

An undeserved moment with God

2009-11-23T17:15:00.002-07:00

At the Starfield concert the singer told us to stretch out our arms to God, and a child reaches up to his father. This I did (which is somewhat unusual from me because I tend to go against whatever I am told to do in worship) and without much thought. But then I imagined God lifting me, as a small child, up, spinning me around, and loving me. I was safe, protected, and carefree. I felt Joy, peace and freedom. It was a time when I could do nothing but be with God, and that was enough. I rested in his arms.
Juxtaposition:
I looked at my own life, and what I had felt didn’t seem to line up. I had been running on my own strength, feeling busy, not rested. Strong, not weak. Burdened, not free. Like I had to shield myself, rather than finding a refuge in God.
God, show me how I can live in your arms, in your strength and in your rest. In your love, and under your care and protection.

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." ~Zephaniah 3:17

"as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you." ~Isaiah 62:5

GOOD NEWS!!!!!

2009-06-08T21:05:00.003-06:00

Luke 18:9-14

9To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: 10"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11The Pharisee stood up and prayed about[a] himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'
13"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'
14"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

God had mercy, I am perfect!

The standards are set high. The Bible commands us not to murder, it then goes on to say that being angry at someone could be just as bad. It tells us not to commit adultery, but then goes on the say that a lustful look is just as bad. We are commanded to love our neighbour as ourselves, not to be afraid, and to give without expecting anything in return. We are called to a high standard, and if we break one small part of the law, then we are guilty of breaking it all. Jesus sums up what is required of us in Matthew 5:48. We are to be perfect.
Yesterday I realized something. I am perfect! I haven’t killed anyone, so I figure I am doing pretty well. However, in grade 4, I was angry at my friend. I became so angry in fact that caused her to die in the story I was writing about us. It was a few years later when I realized the full extent of how horrible that had been. I was, in a sense, a murderer. There is not much perfection in that. My perfection comes not from what I do. No tithing will make up for my sin. No volunteer efforts will reverse my selfishness.
The calling is high. We all fail and nothing we do can make up for our short comings, but the tax collector went home justified before God. He was acceptable in God’s sight, and God accepts only those who live up to the standards. The tax collector was made right in the sight of God. God saw him as perfect!
God can see us as perfect because he sees Jesus when he looks on us. Christ took for us the debt owed for our sins. He paid it for none of us could have.
I cry out “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” And, he does! This is good news. This is exciting! I am justified before God. My sin has been taken away, and I am perfect!
I must never become like the Pharisees. Far be it from me to think that I can stand before God because of what I have done. It is his grace alone which allows me into his Holy Presence. I have been let into his Presence, a way has been made for me, and since it is a Holy Presence, then logically only that which is perfect could stand before God. I am perfect. I can stand.
God I Thank you for your great love: the mercy and grace you have showered upon me. Your grace is enough. There are no works which bring me closer to you. It is only by grace that I can approach your throne. Amen and Amen!

Beautiful Beyond description

2009-05-07T21:05:00.003-06:00

The bus came promptly so I got on, and there in the very back of the bus was a guy and a girl (let's say late 30's) and well, I sat in the furthest back forward facing seat that is not the very back and kinda listened as she slurred her words, and asked "for a swig of that."
She was definitely drunk, and while I questioned his soberness, he was definitely better off than she was.
As the bus rode down the road she asked someone for a light, no one responded to her question, and the man told her that she couldn't ask for a light on the bus.
A while later she asked "What time is it” I turned around to face her and answered "7:49” she slurred back angrily "I wasn't talking to you." But at this time I had a short chance to observe. Definitely, wrapped in a paper bag, was a bottle of beer.
The main thing that kept entering my mine was that I shouldn't fear; not only that, but I was concerned to do anything that would make me look afraid. I just sat where I was, never turning around, but listening.
The bus stopped and a number of people got off. At this point, the driver took the opportunity to confront the couple. I could not hear what he said, and I do not know if he asked them to leave, or just to get rid of the alcohol. Either way, they seemed surprisingly willing to get up and leave.
I watched then as they stood outside the bus; the man supporting the woman. Again, she put the bottle to her lips, but he had had enough. He ripped the bottle from her hand, and though she tried to forbid him, she was unsuccessful. She stomped off in defeat while he poured the drink onto the thirsty ground, threw the bottle in the waste bin, and then ran off after her.
He loved
He cared
He pursued
I don't know if he caught up to her, nor how their story ends, for the bus drove away. A song contemplating God's greatness came into my mind, and I started to sing it, as if to comfort myself. That situation, and God's goodness clashed so severely, that I wasn't sure how to handle that. I changed the words to the song

There is brokenness beyond description
Pain to deep for words
Too hopeless for comprehension
Like nothing I have seen or heard
Who can grasp the depth or her hurting?
Who can fathom the full of her guilt?
There is brokenness beyond description
Sickness and despair

You're still, You're still
In love with her
You're still, You're still
In love with her
Holy God to whom all praise is due
You're still in love with her

And then as I walked home from the bus, there was one more song I found fitting

You are the God of the Broken
Friend of the weak
You washed the feet of the weary
Embraced the ones in need
I want to be like you Jesus
To have your heart in me
You are the God of the Humble
You are the Humble King

To have that heart in me: Oh God I pray that I may have your heart in me; to love the Broken and be friends with the weak. Even if they are weak because they are drunk, oh God, you love them. Give me a love that overpowers my fears. God, so many are weary, so many are in need; give me your heart for all who I come across. Amen.

I am in a place I never thought I would go to...

2009-02-05T23:41:00.002-07:00

Meat is not Green
I never thought I would become a vegetarian, though, when I slowly started such behaviours it didn’t seem so far off any more. Even during the last few months of not buy much meat I never thought I would become a vegan... but here I am... thinking.
I am not a Vegan.
I don’t think I will ever become a vegan. I have always felt so blessed to not have food allergies, and be able to accept food from people, and have no reason to be picky. I value my ability to eat everything, so I still don’t want to be picky.
That being said I have a beef with the meat industry. If you know me at all, you probably realize that I do not care very much about animals, though I think I should, and I don’t like the thought of animal cruelty. However, even if there were no animals hurt or killed in the meat industry I still have this against them: they harm the environment and oppress the poor.
God, the creator of the heavens and the earth, is whom I follow. He made a wonderful world, allowed us to live in it and asked us to care for it. Respect for God involves respecting his creation. As I look into the meat industries environmental effects, the statistics I find are repulsive. Animals poop a lot, and when their waste, ends up in water system, this is just not a happy situation. The United Nations has labelled the meat industry as one of the most environmentally destructive forces both globally and locally. It produces more greenhouse gases than all cars, truck, ships and planes combined.
“According to Environmental Defense, if every American skipped one meal of chicken per week and substituted vegetarian foods instead, the carbon dioxide savings would be the same as taking more than a half-million cars off U.S. roads."
Not only is meat industry responsible for a large portion of pollution, it also carelessly uses resources. It takes 16 pounds of grain to create 1 pound of meat. The rain forest is being cut down, not only to provide a place for cow to be farmed, but to grow food for them. About 80% of agricultural land in the U.S. is used in some way for animal production. The world’s cattle alone consume more calories than is needed for 8.7billion people, which is more than this world’s population. It takes 25 gallons of water to produce a pound of wheat; this seems like a lot (and I don’t even know how big a gallon is) until it is compared with the 2500 gallons of water required to produce a pound of meat; in fact, if the water used in the meat industry was not subsidized, it would cost 35 dollars per pound of hamburger meat. Over half of the utilized water in America is used to produce feed for livestock and provide them with water. I cannot justify supporting an industry that is blatantly devastating the world God created and continue to claim that I follow him.
There is something more important to me than all the trees in this world. On the sixth day of creation God created people in his image, and he saw that his creation was very good. Throughout the scriptures God commands us to care for the poor, and Jesus came to preach the good news to the impoverished. As a follower of Christ I have been called to care for the poor, look after the needy and love. Developing countries that are dying of starvation, are exporting their grain to feed cows.
“Human beings who could be fed by the grain and soybeans eaten by U.S. livestock: 1,300,000,000Number of people who will starve to death this year: 60,000,000
Number of people who could be adequately fed by the grain saved if Americans reduced their intake of meat by 10%: 60,000,000”
Just not eating meat will not get that food to the world’s poor, but it is standing up against something that is wrong, and reducing my carbon footprint, as I fight for justice.
The first change is to change myself. I have decided against supporting the world’s meat industry in any way. This, sadly includes giving up purchasing milk and eggs. If someone has barbequed me a steak, I am going to eat it rather than let it go to waste, but I am going to try my best to do nothing that will support the meat industry. If I get offered milk, and I know I have other options and that my consumption will cause the other person to need to get more milk sooner, then I sure hope I do not accept it. This will be hard, real hard, but if it is wrong, then it is wrong and I want nothing to do with it.
"It now seems plain that [a vegan diet] is the only ethical response to what is arguably the world's most urgent social justice issue." –The Guardian
My facts are from:
Deep vegetarianism: http://books.google.ca/books?id=Z0s3X_vh1_EC&pg=PA95&lpg=PA95&dq=meat+industry+injustice&source=web&ots=8mA-QcLh45&sig=JlaFHyzceBYBcpN6bSa5WzKCh7M&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=9&ct=result#PPA100,M1
GoVeg.com
EarthSave: http://www.earthsave.org/support/index.htm
Animal Liberation Front: http://www.animalliberationfront.com/
Vegan Outreach:http://www.veganoutreach.org/

James 5:1-6
Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you.

Confessions:

2009-01-06T16:37:00.001-07:00

How can I expect to please you
When we live so far away
When will my life have meaning
If I’m wandering astray
Is there a reason to be good
If I am pursuing it sadly
Will anything be worth doing
If you are not with me

My fearsome efforts are folly
My friendships just a joke
Feeble hands left lonely
A punch is just a poke

Waiting for you to do magic
Breathe life all around
But I am chasing fantasies
That’s a wearing me down

"God, save me from my self
I just can’t make it on my own
I just can’t make it on my own
I just can’t make it on my own

And hold me to your side" Dayzwage

I found Narnia

2008-09-02T11:16:00.002-06:00

The night was long, and I was ready for it to be over, so at the first hint of light, I got up, unzipped the door, and stepped out into a different world. What I saw was marvelous. Thick snow enveloped the ground, and disguised the trees as white pylons. I was taken aback; trying to grasp the beauty of it all before I dare embark onward into the continuously falling impenetrable snow. I listened in awe of the silence that was broken only as I stepped out into Narnia, to venture further up, and further in.
Shortly, off in the distance, I heard something more than just my footsteps. I froze where I was and let my ears scout out the sound. In the distance there was water, joyfully flowing down its path. I followed the sound and it brought me to a small, ice cold stream. I followed it merrily as it tumbled gently down towards its destination. The lake wasn’t much larger than a pond, only to say that it was deep. (I did not test out how deep it was.) The sky was as white as the snow on the ground, leaving the lake a beautifully dusty grey, calm yet continuously rippling with every entering snowflakes. I wandered a little further and found refuge under a majestic tree. There, I sat in the silence and watched, taking in the beauty, constantly seeing it deeper and grander than I had before. There was always more, and it took my breath away. It was always magnificent.
Serenity.

Don't worry, be happy

2008-05-16T19:24:00.001-06:00

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

For the lack

2008-04-30T20:11:00.001-06:00

At work as staff we always do devotions. We haven't always, then we questioned if maybe our programs we not very God focused because our office time was not very God focused and we were not doing the devotions. But I took that further and thought my personal life should include more God time, and that I need to start my morning off I prayer (part of what is telling me I need to make time for God every morning, the other part in a priority thing, so I can remember God is the priority, and people too. Not stuff.) Maybe, I should leave for work early and then find somewhere on my walk to work to stop and talk to God and Bible read. See if the Bible is our daily bread, then going to work and not having Bible reading time is like going to work hungry, and it is hard to be as effective if one goes to work hungry... maybe it is hard to be as effective at work if I go without spending time with God first... or at least some time in the day. I find though sometimes the time seems empty, meaningless. Like I don't really learning anything, I don't get new inspiration, or if I do, I just forget it. And if I forget it, then did it ever really happen?

so i wrote a rap today... oh random inspiration

2008-04-14T23:06:00.001-06:00

Chew don’t look like you’re from the hood
Chew dinna look like bad playing good
Chew don’t got down the walk
Chew don’t even got no bad boy talk

Chew say your gansta
But come on,
Chew just don’t look it.

Chew don’t look tuff
Chew don’t look like chew’ve been playen’ ruff
Chew don’t look like you’ve been in a brawl
Ch’ain’t no police afta chew at all

Chew say your gansta
But come on,
Chew just don’t look it.

Chew look like a momma’s boy
Still crying for yah favourite toy

Chew say your gansta man
But come on,
Chew just don’t look it.

Chi’m more scared of dat puny dog
Than chew an chore friends
Chew call that a mob?
Come on boy,
Chew say your gansta man
But chew just don’t look it.

Chi could take chew out with just one smack to the lid
I say Chi could take chew out with just one smack to the lid

Chew say your gansta man
But come on, boy
Chew just don’t look it.

well twas fun(ny)... if you ask nicely i could even rap it for you... but chew probably don't wanna hear that

Is it I Lord?

2008-03-12T21:00:00.002-06:00

He said he might
clock out soon
he was sick,
very sick he told me
but he didn’t want the bug

to kill him.
He tried to cough it out
he tried to sneeze it out.
There where a lot of

sick people there
And what he had

wouldn’t go away.
He had tried everything;
Cough medicines,
Cold medicines,
Syrups and pills,
but it didn’t work,
so he said he might clock out.

The clock there was dead.
Someone in anger must have ripped it off the wall.
They had scrunched the hands,
and left it on the table.
Left it to find someone who,
could feel the pain

that they felt inside.

Would something be done?
These were people here;
People.
Not Animals.
They were not to be picked up and squished in a van.
If they were dogs,
Animal Rights would have gotten mad,
but they are people.
Oppressed,
Dignity stolen.
Who will stand up for them?
Who will shout out?
Who will yell?
Someone has to talk for them.
They could talk for them selves,
but who would listen?
Who wants to hear from the ones they crushed?
We don’t want for those we stepped on,
to stand up.
We want them to be forgotten
Unheard
forgotten
Unheard
Unseen.
LONG ENOUGH

Its been long enough.
The time is now;
before the clock goes out,
before more clocks get broken.
Its been long enough.
The time is now.
Time for someone to stand up.
Time for someone to shout out.
Are we ready to listen?
Its time.
Ready or not.

For she who has been forgiven much, loves much.

2008-02-24T23:10:00.000-07:00

Ever since she moved into my house, I started to pray for her differently. It became rare that I would pray for her salvation, or healing, instead I spent my time crying out to God to give me patience; give me love. I never really like going on walks with her, at time she would try to hold my hand, or take my arm, and I just found it more than awkward.
Walking was worse in the winter. I could side across the ice with no problem. But that frightened her, it took her much time to walk down the side walk. I didn’t like always being told to slow down; ordered not to slide. I was doing okay.
This morning started before the walk to church. I was in my room, reading the Bible when she came in interrupting. I answered her questions quickly, just hoping she would leave. And she would leave, and come back too. She could tell I was being short with her. She didn’t like it. As she left I had to question what had I done. There I was, putting my alone time, this ritual up as a blockade. I made it more important than the second greatest commandment, Love people.
Maybe walking to Church was a bad idea. Anyhow, the whole way there I was dreading it. I didn’t like her coming to Church with me. Often times she would go with my mom or my sister, but my mom was working, and my sister out of town. I remembered the times before, having her at church, trying to distance my self from her, mostly from her touch. But I was struck by the familiarity of it all, confronted by something not only which I read, but that I wrote In a fictional story “I hate it, I hate how the church is today. I wish it could be a place where people might go and really feel God's presence, and feel loved. I wish it were a place of selfless people first there to serve God, then others. I wish God was real to the people at church… I'm sorry, I shouldn't of done that this morning, I mean... it was stupid of me. I knew it was what they were thinking… can't believe I did that.” and “No, God wasn't at church! Even you became less caring there, and more concerned about what others were thinking.” And I believe that must be how she felt coming to church with me those days.
I wish I could say today was better, different from those times in the past, but it wasn’t. If anything it was worse, I was aware that being in Church was maybe, if anything a reason to be more caring, and most definitely not less. I was aware I didn’t need to care about what others thought. I had read the story of becoming less caring at Church, and I certainly didn’t want anything to do with that. Yet I hate being told what to do. I didn’t stand during worship, and when she told me to want wanted to so much less. I sat struggling with this idea of love, and just wanting it to be easy. She would place he hand on my arm, or my leg, and I would sit uncomfortably until I could take it no longer. I had to move. I would search for a reason, like taking off my coat, but I could only take off my coat once. I struggled with this, not even knowing why it bothered me so much. But it angered me, tore me to pieces; kept me on the verge of tears. Then, when I did decide to stand, placing my hands on the pew in front of me, it was only moments before her hand was on mine. I tried to be okay with it, acting like nothing happened. But I hated it, I couldn’t stand it. I removed my hand, and though she tried to hold it I refused. I sat back down, trying to get as far away from her as possible. When I got home I wrote but four short lines in my journal. “God I failed at church… why is that? When reading my Bible, while at Church, I have no patience for her, no allotment for her awkwardness.” I wasn’t sure of what allotment meant, but it was the best word I could come up with. I asked for God’s forgiveness, I had failed indeed. Then I read the end of the story I had written; the part with the trip to church, the climax, the conclusion. But I started far enough before that, so I was distracted my mind put to ease rather than sent on a guilt trip.
We all make mistakes. We are all called to grace, and I am thankful for that grace. Tonight I went to another church. Before communion this was read: “My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” I was so happy for this grace so thankful for what God had done so ready to partake in communion. I was so aware of my short comings that I was so ready to accept the help, to accept grace. I just can’t make it on my own.

Restoration, Restitution.

2008-02-08T08:43:00.001-07:00

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." ~Jesus

Anything Right - P.O.D.

2008-01-15T15:21:00.000-07:00

So much to say so little time for me to explain the way I feel You only see things the way you want to see them It makes sense to you all these things you do You got it all figured out while everyone is confused

How do you do it? In your mind I'm just blind You're right all of the time If I think for myself, I guess I'm way out of line I'm not who you are I'm so sorry

(Chorus:)I can't do anything right You don't know me, stay out of my life Kick me while I'm down, I want you to I can't be like you Don't want to be like you

No matter what I do it's never good enough I give all that is me; still it's never enough So, why try? I give up. What does it feel like to be in you shoes And walk over everyone like you do? Tear me down again, I want you to.

I Got a Secret... I am Afraid

2008-01-04T14:39:00.002-07:00

-I am afraid of dogs, of being bitten, chased and being chased and then bitten (or being bitten and then chased)
-I am afraid of failure, of giving my, trying hard with no results – so I am afraid of of trying, because then I might fail and have no excuse
-I am afraid of living some boring mediocre life because I am afraid to do what God has called me to do.
-I am afraid of being wrong
-I am afraid of so passionately living my dream and making a youth hang out place, and then have no one come
-I am afraid of being rich, of having too much and not wisely spending it
-I am afraid of misrepresenting God
-I am afraid of being open, especially with my passion, because what if others just don’t understand
-I am afraid of being corrected, but I am learning it can be okay
-I am afraid of planning, or being to certain about something, and then having those plans fall through
-I am afraid of not being loved, and being alone, having no one who will understand my passion, no one to encourage me. I am afraid of being the only one who cares about God’s word and the only one with passion for it. I am afraid of not having anyone with whom to share my story, my stories and myself.
-I am afraid of being insignificant
-I am afraid of only talking and never doing, and I am afraid of writing so much that I forget how to be open in real words.
-I am afraid of becoming self reliant and too often forgetting to pray.
-I am afraid of asking for too much, and taking to much, and not giving enough
-I am afraid I will misspend my money and misuse my time
-I am afraid of loosing hope
-I am afraid of being content with my Christian life, afraid I will not continue to want to know God more, and not want to pray more
-I am afraid of commitment
-I am afraid I will learn all about God without ever knowing him personally
-I am afraid of falling in love with this world
-I am afraid no one shares my values
-I am afraid I have failed
-I am afraid to share the Gospel, and more so afraid I will not share it
-I am afraid none of this is real, that my words are fake and my faith is incomplete
-I am afraid of meaningless talk and deep conversation
-I am afraid I talk too much when it doesn’t mater, and not enough when it does.
-I am afraid I am too afraid to accomplish anything
-I am afraid to drive
-I am afraid of other’s disappointment
-I am afraid to bring bad news
-I am afraid of awkward conversations
-I am afraid that my uncoolness will keep me from accomplishing anything, afraid that I rely too much on weather or not I think people like me to actually just do what I got to do. I am afraid I am too worried about what others think of me
-I am afraid of being hated
-I am afraid I am incapable of doing what I dream
-I am afraid my dream is foolish and not what God wants, but I also fear thinking that if it is not true.
-I am afraid I am too easily convinced
-I am afraid of not following my words with actions
-I am afraid I don’t pray enough
-I am afraid God won’t answer my prayers
-I am afraid of being too prideful
-I am afraid of ridicule
-I am afraid of being relied on

2007-12-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

i am rapidly going crazy
like an introvert
constantly surrounded by people
save me.

Joy, the gift of God's presents(presence)

2007-12-19T21:12:00.001-07:00

I got my drivers license today, but now i never wanna drive, the thought scares me... (so i can't drive to Lacombe or Belfast)... but on to more weighing matters.

Christmas:
I was talking to a friend today
a lonely friend
a hurting friend
mediocre, mellow, moderate, modest
But mostly, he was lonely
and when we talked about Christmas
it meant nothing to him
no family to see
no friends to gather
no money to buy gifts
and no one to buy gifts for
sure the shelters would have a special Christmas event
music
food
and gifts
but on Christmas they are silent
the volunteers at home
warm
with friends
enjoying their time of refreshment
Christmas day must hurt
it is a time,
A time of friendship, spend alone
Of feasting, spent hungry
of presents, spent giftless
I wanted to cry for him
his face was as though he didn't care
his words portrayed that he wished he had made better choices
and now,
it was too late

He was one of many
and not the only one i talked to today

Richard hadn't had Christmas in nine years
Nine years with no joy, no presents
nine frost biting years
nine years ago (or so) i got a toy seal,
and a pink folder with stickers
and many other things, i no longer remember
and then when the gifts where all opened
and i had my toys lined up behind me
They were so few
I though
I should get more
but nine years ago Richard didn't even have a Christmas
he had nothing to line up
nothing to show off
and no one to show it off to

Richard never seems that lonely to me.
always he is there with a friend
or two
and he is happy
smart
friendly
yet he has no one to have Christmas with
no where to gather together
so he is left alone
and is that really a holiday?
i look forward to Christmas
mostly to see my cousins
and aunts and uncles
and may Grandparents
But if i had no one to go see
no good food to eat
no presents for me
I would dread that day
a time of joy
but i would loathe every moment of it's approaching
I'd give up on every having a good Christmas
leave behind my Childhood memories
Forget that i ever liked it
but Richard has not given up
he says
He is finally going up in the world
he thought
maybe next year
maybe then he would have a house
and have a celebration
don't loose hope,
never loose hope Richard
Please.

2007-12-12T19:21:00.001-07:00

i am done school, i cant say i have ever been as happy about it,

PARTY

now what do i do?
any ideas?

Nineveh or Tarshish

2007-12-08T20:38:00.002-07:00

I have an opportunity to go to Bolivia.
My life dream (see below) has not changed since gr.8.
I wanna do inner city work in Calgary.
I have been thinking about Jonah
I feel so inadequate to work in Calgary.
I wonder if going to Bolivia is fleeing from Calgary
Going to Tarshish, fleeing from Nineveh
But maybe Calgary is to wait
I wont be in Bolivia for forever
What if i never go to Calgary to do youth work?
What if I just want to think going to Bolivia is like fleeing.
Because i am afraid to go there
Because i don't wanna leave friends
family
the comfort of home
Because it is just that my easier not to go.
but if i know one thing in life,
I'm tired of it being easy
tired of living in comfort
getting what i want,
doing as i please
Having nothing to worry about
yet, i like it
but where will it get me?
where will i learn to have faith?
how will i know to how to trust God?
maybe it is not about my passions
my will
my desires
I wish i knew God's passions
his will
his desires.
God will work through me where ever i am
Bolivia
Canada
He worked through Jonah,
even on his way to Tarshish
The men he was with learned to fear his God
I want people to learn to fear my God
to repent
to find Joy
to hunger for the Lord,
and to be filled
Yet i am still learning to fear my God
to repent
to find Joy
to hunger only for the Lord
and to allow him to fill me
we all hunger for God
but sometimes we don't know it
we search for stuff
friends
activities
money to fill that need
sometimes we even get satisfied with this stuff
we fill our lives with it
until there is no room for God
In Canada I have stuff
friends
Activities
and money
what if that is getting in my way of being filled by God
of relying on God
of knowing God
of hearing God
how will i ever know what to do until i hear God
life is so crowded here
in Bolivia i would be vulnerable
open
empty
weak
silent
how can i hear his voice when life is so crowded
with stuff
school
books
friends
God can speak through all of those
but only if within them i am listening
The word of the Lord came to Jonah
twice
Once he ignored it
then he listened
he followed
The people were saved
Jonah was angry
I long for God's will to be done
I hope it will not make me angry
i desire for it to be done through me
it is hard to be listening for God
especially in the middle of finals
but somethings are more important than others
and Blogging is probably not one of them
Jonah 3:3 Jonah obeyed the word of God and went to Nineveh
I hope it can be said of me
Patricia obeyed the word of God and went
sooner or later I got to get out of the comfort that surrounds me
it has been far to easy for far too long
I have been relying on my own strength
and it has mostly been enough
but it won't always be enough
and i don't want it to be enough
But God's strength will be enough

Dream Big

2007-11-21T22:13:00.001-07:00

someday i wanna skateboard somewhere, far away, thats my dream, what is your dream, like a dream for life, my other one, is to set up a hangout place for teens in calgary, but recently it is to skatebaord, to like canmore or something,4 hours drive, but forever on a board. what else. i am writting a story, it is taking a while, but i am at a point where i need to make up some background, and am not sure how exactly what it will be. stories, they are fun to write. What do you think about when you ride horses, cause when i ride horses i think about not falling off, and hoping the horse will keep moving, and not run into a tree. but that might just be me. how long would it take, to skateboard to reddeer?? that i think i wanna find out, my problem is i have no time to do my massive skateboard trip, cause i got school, and i cant much go in the winter, i was thinking spring break, but it still might be too cold, i was thinkingnext summer, but then i wanna work at my camp as a cook. i think that dreams are looked down apone, never taken seriously, i heard this kid talking, i think t his mom, about how he wanted to be in the NHL, but the kid said 'that's a silly dream" cause that is what he had always been told, but his mom told him it was not silly, it would take lots of work, but he could do it. that made me happy, cause i dont think enough poeple believe in others dreams andhow, random rant from patricia...

i wrote that al loooong time ago, highschool? before i had my longboard gr 12 id say, and now, i wanna hand out the metro
"goodmorning, would you like a metro?" "please recycle"

hurting

2007-11-19T14:31:00.001-07:00

this world is hurting you know. many a people are hurting, lost and afraid. poeple are hurt by themselves, by others and by disease. my life is pretty easy going, but i feel sick to the stomach for all those i know who are hurting. i feel so helpless, i bet they do too. i geuss a bit of a poem i wrote, about the world, I cry to God, cause i know he could change it all, but he doen't he has a bigger plan that i dont see.

titled: a need to be still

How can I say it,
about what you’ve created?
This world suck.
Look what we’ve done,
from perfection to sin.

Where are you?
Cause we’ve gone so far from the truth.
In death and tears,
still you promise to be near.

In all the pain
You promise to be faithful
You’re still true;
you have control so
why do you do what you do?
Why don’t you do what I want you to?
I need to be still and know you are God.
I need to be still.

How can I say it,
about what you’ve created?
This world suck.
Look what we’ve done,
from perfection to sin.

Where are you?
I’m searching and longing for truth.
In death and tears,
still I've felt your presence near.

There’s so much pain,
cause you’ve given us freewill.
You still control,
but you let us choose.
Why do we do what we do?
Why don’t we do what you want us to?
We need to be still and know you are God.
I need to be still.

How can I say it,
about what you’ve created?
This world suck.
Look what we’ve done,
from perfection to sin.

i just wanna take away all hurt, God can, but you know maybe it has a purpose. maybe being in pain and suffering isnt all that bad and good comes out of it. but i can hardly believe that and i dont much suffer, how could someone in pain believe that, but i need to be still and know i'm not God, i dont got it all figured out. i wish my friends didn't have to hurt. and it aint a part of God's plan, it is a part of this messed up world we live in. yet somehow God can use it for good, and he is waiting for us, i think. you know? we cant get mad at God for doing what he does, what he does is always right, but what we do isn't always right.

Beckoning

2007-11-09T14:11:00.001-07:00

When even the sun’s gone dark, and the stars forget to shine; when the moon reflects only dust, into this bitter heart of mine;

find me.

When the smoothest rock is rough, and silk a bed of nails; when a tapestry dulls my soul, and looses all color and details;
find me.

If you got a tear to tide me over, wipe your own eyes dry. If you think a crumb will calm my fears, you’re believing in a lie.

find me.

Where a hollowed rock becomes my home, all alone, all alone; where bird nor beast would dare to come, forbidden place of foul stone;
find me.

Where water’s poisoned, and swamp is deep; where a silent valley is trapped by walls so steep;
find me.

If you got a tear to tide me over, wipe your own eyes dry. If you think a crumb will calm my fears, you’re believing in a lie.

find me.

For the wind has stilled, and the time is right; For the trembling stones are darker than night;

find me.

For I’m all alone, and I can’t hold on; for I’ve lost all hope, and my tears will soon be gone;

find me.

If you got a tear to tide me over, wipe your own eyes dry. If you think a crumb will calm my fears, you’re believing in a lie.
find me.

Come through the forest on the path of the night; come and be singing, for it shall bring light;
find me.

Come with a hope that brightens your face; Come with a sword, and get me out of this place;
find me.

A tear can’t tide me over. A crumb can’t calm my fears. What I need is you, and I need you to be near.
find me.

serenity, it is what i long for

2007-10-21T16:10:00.001-06:00

lo, where do we stand in the face of death?

2007-10-21T16:08:00.002-06:00

Alas, the world is dying
and there is nothing left to hold
Earth giving way beneath their feet
Sky turning grey, hearts going cold

Woe to those around me
My heart reaches out to you
From deep inside, piercing cries
Look, look until you know what’s true

Hark, for soon will be to late
Look up; look out from the inside.
For pleasures and passions will all pass on,
Come in, come out and gone with the tide.

Alas, the world is dying
Am I the only one alive?
For the world’s slipping from beneath their feet
And I feel alone though I survive

Woe to those who cannot stand
Take my hand; take my hand.
But alone they fight for personal rights
Though truth if free, it’s not their demand

Hark, all of you who are with me
All of you who are on your feet
Look, look we are not alone
Together we are not incomplete.

Indeed!

Lines of Night

2007-03-26T19:35:00.001-06:00

They think they’re prefect
Their ways are straight
Each in order.
They never change.
They think they got it
Got it all right
But they are nothing
But lines of night.

Clouds amongst the lines of night
Fluffs of brightness reflecting light

They’re icy cold
In darkest paths
Their ways unbroken
Proud. Frozen. Solid.
In all bleakness empty
Their ways unchanging
For they are nothing
But lines of night.

Clouds amongst the lines of night
Bringing hop and reflecting light

Their hearts are hard
Afraid of change
Wanting to stay
Thinking of a new.
Enjoying what’s the same
Hoping to be more
More than the nothing
of lines of night.

Clouds amongst the lines of night
Fading to day of bright sunlight